Home again...after a long trip, to the land of magic, I'm home again...enriched, equipped with new strength, I'm sitting on the floor, and my vision is swallowed by the red light my goat skin lamp is radiating.
It's strange, because it's raining lightly outside, the city has wrapped itself in mist to prevent the autumn creeping underneath. I hear the cars splashing as they enter a little pot filled with water, I feel the cold, the shivering leaves of the trees...I sense the melancholy hiding in the pores of every grey coat passing by me on the street....but I smile inside. Why? Because upon entering my flat, I sit down, put a candle to lit the goat skin lamp and my journey begins.
This magic lamp encloses in itself the heart-felt, intimate atmosphere of the shop where it was made. The touch of rough hands that dried the skin, the gentle caress of the woman who painted the geccos with henna on it. It is a piece from a world, where my senses came alive. Its red, mysterious light is a link to Seherezade, telling me a tale every night, filling my heart with dreams of a distant land, where the muezzin calls the people to pray early in the morning, with a song so ancient, so pure, that even if you have been brought up in a different religion, you feel a sort of rush inside to kneel down and give thanks to the mighty God who is with you in all of your battles, fears, and doubts, supporting you, loving you. This lamp has been born in a land, where many live from little, where people travel on the back of donkeys, where taking your good to the market can be a major portion of your income, where shepherds watching over their sheep and goats bend their knees, join their hands in awe, place their forehead on the ground and pray when they hear the call their heart. As my eyes focus more and more on the lamp, I feel it opening up for me, trusting me, and sharing more and more of its secrets with me.
It shows me the old medina of Fez, with its narrow streets, guarded by thick walls on each side, a little path only enough for one person to pass..shadowy in the daytime..and pitch black in the nighttime...it is as if time has picked you up, and made you land in an age, where this city was flourishing, its passageways were loud of the travellers, merchants and peasants bargaining. You feel like you are in the times, when Jesus could be found just on the next corner sharing wisdom, and spreading the words of love. You can feel the ancient dust and sand, stirred up by the thousands of babouches hurrying up and down the alleys. You touch the walls, and hear the multitude of stories they have to tell upon finding an ear willing to listen. They are so keen on sharing! They've seen kingdoms rise and fall, conquerors come and go, heard whispers of love and betray. They have felt the touch of death's cloak on their surface as it walked across the gateway, invisibly leaving nothing but cries and despair behind.
It shows me the crowded market of Marrakech, it enriches my senses, paints a forever changing picture coloured by vivid scarves of silk, carpets of cotton, with patterns of the East, craftworks, slippers, golden and silver shining masterpieces of jewelry, nuts, chickpeas, bananas, mangos, lichis, leather bags and belts, necklaces, ornated figurines of camels... and if that is not overwhelming enough, it picks on your nose as next, it fills it with a mixture of thousands smells: myrrh, sweet perfumes, freshly cooking tagines, fruits, vegetables, livestock, fish, sweat, sugarcoated sweets, raw meat, and the smell of the Sahara that traveled on the back of camels whose eyes are lost in infinity. The market does not leave you get away with invading only your eyes and nose, it wants your ears as well. There's such a festival of sounds, your thoughts get pushed far behind. All you hear is the dissonance of people speaking a language that is broken every now and then with a strong "ch" sound, then it gets swallowed by the snake charming music spiced a bit with some drums and modern upbeat pouring out across the doorsteps of the shops you pass by. Then this already serious orchestral adventure gets added the flavour of arguing cats, squawking chickens, and giggling children...and there you have it. Your ability to separate is lost..all you see, smell and hear is a blur of the bubbling life, vibrating all around you, taking you in, filling you up...enchanting you completely.
It shows me the shores of Essaouira. Calmed down, exhausted after the long journey, it carries me to the shore of the ocean..where laying down on the hot sand I may hear the roaring of the waves as they approach the beach. They are like the wildest and strongest of white horses..unstoppable, dignified and royal. They hit their feet to the ground, and the soft sands gives in to the pressure, as the horses make their ways out..carrying starfishes, and little shells with themselves. It shows me the distant island, where the people infected with leprosy have been sent to, let alone themselves, to wait for the unavoidable.....(I imagined how sad it had to be for them to stand on the cliffs there, being able to see the mainland, where maybe their families were living, to see it, to feel the breeze coming from that direction, and knowing that they would never be able to embarque on those shores again, reuniting with their loved ones, setting foot on the land they called their home)......it takes me to the port, where numerous blue boats are swaying softly waiting for the dawn, when their owners set off to deal with the majestic lord, the ocean, and the riches it has to offer, in exchange for the fishermen's hard work.
Maybe by now you understand why I call it a magic lamp..it is filled with all the memories I collected in the past 9 days and more. It melted into itself the heat of the Sahara, the honest and kind smiles of the people I met, the success of all the bargaining I made, the lengthy miles I traveled, the stars I counted while laying on the top terrace of the riads, where I was accomodated. It consists of a world, that opened new gates in front of me...gates that could only be opened by exposing me to a culture, a world, a place, a climate that was yet unknown to me..... I shall always be thankful to God and those who shared this journey with me.
Tuesday, 25 October 2011
Friday, 14 October 2011
Taking off..
So tomorrow what is known..ordinary..usual, and part of my culture, will be left behind for a while...I leave..and discover a bit of the land of mystery....the land of new hopes...
Thursday, 13 October 2011
Taking the risk
Today started a bit difficult. I had to get to the office on time, as I needed to leave "early" to be at home, where a lady measuring my yearly energy consumption was waiting for me. The alarm went off..once..twice..I stopped it and still felt numb. Outside was still grey, and I imagined it is rather chilly, while underneath the blanket it was cozy and warm. My body had a tingling, cute, comfortable feeling inside..in a way miraculous, and I knew if I move only a bit, I'll kill the magic. I didn't want to. All my cells were begging me to stay motionless, to let my eyelids close, and enjoy this strange kind of levitation I tried to explain myself that time is passing by and I really need to get out of bed, but my body was pleading for a couple more minutes. Finally, when it was 20 minutes past the time I should have woken up, I jumped out of the bed, and rushed to work.
At work then, when I had a minute, the following thoughts kept on whirling in my head:
What am I actually doing here? Do I belong here? How long will I stay here? And then, these thoughts scared me a bit so I started wondering where these thoughts are coming from? Do they have a solid base? Is something not right? Do I feel bad? Am I not happy?
Think about it! Given a great company..truly a rather good one in its category, and I have the privilege to work there. I get decent salary, that allows me to live well, to pay for a flat, buy clothes, food what I wish. All my basic needs are covered. The atmosphere is great in the office, people are kind, we talk a lot, eventually we go out together. Then..given a grand city..a really nice one, with old buildings, yet many shops and stuff ...again, to satisfy my ..or in fact anyone's needs. It's lively, if you want to get some entertainment, there is always something going on, you won't get bored. I've got many friends at this place, who care for me, support me, come to visit me etc. In total: I've got a great life...there is no reason for complaining, because many would do much for such a life...and yet I feel like I am off...if I look a bit into the future I get a bit scared. You know why? Because with this "great" life I could be well away for another 40 year! and THAT scares me! I feel still too young to already commit myself to a way of life, that I do not feel like I own 100 percent.
I am such a person, for whom security means a lot. Emotional, financial, social...no matter what kind of security, but I feel at easy, if I know roughly where things are in my life. I am not worried if I know the city, because I've been there before. I am not worried, if I know what awaits me at work..the type of issues, and the bunch of alternative solutions to them. I am not worried, if I have a number of friends on whom I can count on, and they are within reach. I am not worried, if I have a flat where I can alway go home to. I guess in a way that's normal. It gives me a sort of confidence. There are so many unforeseeen things happening in the world, at least I know my bed will be there, waiting to embrace me, my work will continue etc. So this is a nice life, but still I feel as if it is dull. It feels like if I was one of those trees they cut in shape. Every spring they bring new branches, hoping this will be the time they may spread, or soar into the sky, to experience the freedom of living, but their efforts are broken, as they get trimmed. They trim them, because they fit the scenery more, because that's the expectation of a person, who is responsible for the outlook of an avenue let's say. That tree cannot really learn..develop..and experience, because it is enclosed in a given shape. And actually that's where I'm trying to get to..this year I've been pushed out of this balance..this bubble of security a numerous times...not on the work side..rather on the emotional end. It was tough, but I learned a lot from it. That was the way to grow in experience. So for a while now I'm thinking ...I really need to go against my fears. I need to identify them...and...above I just tracked one...and then go against them...defeat them, and with the pride and confidence of the winners move on.
I realized ..that...hmmm..shame on me...but I'm a coward. So far, I was really ...afraid of new things...I prefered the known old ways, and was not too keen on being a pioneer on onwalked roads. I did not want to take the risk...I prefered to stay in the lukewarm water. But I think even the Bible warns us..not to be lukewarm...rather be hot or cold..but not lukewarm..because ...lukewarm is equal to cowardice, and indifference. Now I myself tried to get around this by constant postponing. I said to myself, all right...true...I could take a risk, but...hmm...maybe just let's wait a little more...and today, it dawned on me..if I continue it like this, I would be waiting 40 years worth of "little more" and I'd be there, old, in the gates of death, and regretting...regretting and crying over the last opportunities, chances...over my cowardice...and at that point it would not be possible to turn back the time. Yeah...when one is young, it is difficult to see that, because we think we've got sooo much time still...which could be true, but we cannot rely fully on that...what we need to bear in mind is that we have this one life..and it's fully our responsibility what we do with it. We may blame the world..this era we live in, the government, the society etc. but when the time comes, the judges will not look at the circumstances..they will only look for whether we have persevered..whether we have been brave enough to take the risks when it was needed, whether we have aimed for living life to its fullest. Strange..if you ask people what they'd do if they knew they had 1 week left, most of them would take a 90 degree turn, and start doing things rather different from what they are doing..let's say now, when they think they have much time and chances. I'm saying that, because I'm one of these people..and to be honest, I don't like this..because it feels like I am not loyal to myself...to someone..down there, at the bottom of my soul.
Sometimes, it feels like there are 2 creatures..living there...in the middle of me. 1 is kind, soft, quiet and loves to rejoice over simple things...is keen on marveling at the nature, enjoys conversing with the moon, and stars. She never rushes, she recognizes even the little details..she likes to explore people's eyes, and is very happy to help others. I really like her. And there is the other creature...she is much louder, always worrying, shouting, never satisfied...she is constantly thinking about the past or the future, about the money, whether it will be enough, about work etc. She never wants to take the risk. She tries to constantly convince number 1 that it is better to just sit and wait and complain in security than sacrifice all this for something that is unsure. Number 1 is trying to educate 2 through tales and comparisons. She tells her: Look..we are sitting in a room, that has bars over the window. It's good, we maybe feeling secure. Noone can enter...but..you see we are never able to see what the world is truly like...because there are always pieces of it, that gets covered by the bars...don't u just want to get rid of the bars? At other times, she is saying: look...by not taking the risk, you deprive yourself from the very bad things...but...from the very good ones too. Some people like to eat the same food. They go out to a restaurant, and order what they know...they don't dare to go for the exotic stuff, because they are afraid they'll stay hungry...rather, they give up the cavalcade of tastes, to quiet down their hunger. Well true..if the unknown food is not delicious enough..they'll stay hungry..that's unpleasant..but still they learn something..that they will never order it again..but in case the unkown food proves to be very delicious, they have their stomach filled AND will be gifted with a culinary journey to rich lands. I think it would be worthwhile to take the risk...if not for else, than to be in the favour of the taste buds, who are very curious creatures.
All in all...today I realized, that in order to be able to learn, develop, and maybe live a complete life...collecting as many experiences as possible, gaining wisdom and happiness I need to step out of my comfort zone. It's not easy, it requires a lot of effort, but...who has ever heard of such that the road to the treasure would be easy? Isn't it always filled with hurdles, abysses, dark forests, evil things hindering you to get to the heart of your desires? And who has ever heard that a coward manages to walk all the length of the road? Well...they turn back even before a true challenge is faced..but in exchange, they can only dream abou the treasure......After a bit of preparation, I think..I'll take the path of the warriors rather...
At work then, when I had a minute, the following thoughts kept on whirling in my head:
What am I actually doing here? Do I belong here? How long will I stay here? And then, these thoughts scared me a bit so I started wondering where these thoughts are coming from? Do they have a solid base? Is something not right? Do I feel bad? Am I not happy?
Think about it! Given a great company..truly a rather good one in its category, and I have the privilege to work there. I get decent salary, that allows me to live well, to pay for a flat, buy clothes, food what I wish. All my basic needs are covered. The atmosphere is great in the office, people are kind, we talk a lot, eventually we go out together. Then..given a grand city..a really nice one, with old buildings, yet many shops and stuff ...again, to satisfy my ..or in fact anyone's needs. It's lively, if you want to get some entertainment, there is always something going on, you won't get bored. I've got many friends at this place, who care for me, support me, come to visit me etc. In total: I've got a great life...there is no reason for complaining, because many would do much for such a life...and yet I feel like I am off...if I look a bit into the future I get a bit scared. You know why? Because with this "great" life I could be well away for another 40 year! and THAT scares me! I feel still too young to already commit myself to a way of life, that I do not feel like I own 100 percent.
I am such a person, for whom security means a lot. Emotional, financial, social...no matter what kind of security, but I feel at easy, if I know roughly where things are in my life. I am not worried if I know the city, because I've been there before. I am not worried, if I know what awaits me at work..the type of issues, and the bunch of alternative solutions to them. I am not worried, if I have a number of friends on whom I can count on, and they are within reach. I am not worried, if I have a flat where I can alway go home to. I guess in a way that's normal. It gives me a sort of confidence. There are so many unforeseeen things happening in the world, at least I know my bed will be there, waiting to embrace me, my work will continue etc. So this is a nice life, but still I feel as if it is dull. It feels like if I was one of those trees they cut in shape. Every spring they bring new branches, hoping this will be the time they may spread, or soar into the sky, to experience the freedom of living, but their efforts are broken, as they get trimmed. They trim them, because they fit the scenery more, because that's the expectation of a person, who is responsible for the outlook of an avenue let's say. That tree cannot really learn..develop..and experience, because it is enclosed in a given shape. And actually that's where I'm trying to get to..this year I've been pushed out of this balance..this bubble of security a numerous times...not on the work side..rather on the emotional end. It was tough, but I learned a lot from it. That was the way to grow in experience. So for a while now I'm thinking ...I really need to go against my fears. I need to identify them...and...above I just tracked one...and then go against them...defeat them, and with the pride and confidence of the winners move on.
I realized ..that...hmmm..shame on me...but I'm a coward. So far, I was really ...afraid of new things...I prefered the known old ways, and was not too keen on being a pioneer on onwalked roads. I did not want to take the risk...I prefered to stay in the lukewarm water. But I think even the Bible warns us..not to be lukewarm...rather be hot or cold..but not lukewarm..because ...lukewarm is equal to cowardice, and indifference. Now I myself tried to get around this by constant postponing. I said to myself, all right...true...I could take a risk, but...hmm...maybe just let's wait a little more...and today, it dawned on me..if I continue it like this, I would be waiting 40 years worth of "little more" and I'd be there, old, in the gates of death, and regretting...regretting and crying over the last opportunities, chances...over my cowardice...and at that point it would not be possible to turn back the time. Yeah...when one is young, it is difficult to see that, because we think we've got sooo much time still...which could be true, but we cannot rely fully on that...what we need to bear in mind is that we have this one life..and it's fully our responsibility what we do with it. We may blame the world..this era we live in, the government, the society etc. but when the time comes, the judges will not look at the circumstances..they will only look for whether we have persevered..whether we have been brave enough to take the risks when it was needed, whether we have aimed for living life to its fullest. Strange..if you ask people what they'd do if they knew they had 1 week left, most of them would take a 90 degree turn, and start doing things rather different from what they are doing..let's say now, when they think they have much time and chances. I'm saying that, because I'm one of these people..and to be honest, I don't like this..because it feels like I am not loyal to myself...to someone..down there, at the bottom of my soul.
Sometimes, it feels like there are 2 creatures..living there...in the middle of me. 1 is kind, soft, quiet and loves to rejoice over simple things...is keen on marveling at the nature, enjoys conversing with the moon, and stars. She never rushes, she recognizes even the little details..she likes to explore people's eyes, and is very happy to help others. I really like her. And there is the other creature...she is much louder, always worrying, shouting, never satisfied...she is constantly thinking about the past or the future, about the money, whether it will be enough, about work etc. She never wants to take the risk. She tries to constantly convince number 1 that it is better to just sit and wait and complain in security than sacrifice all this for something that is unsure. Number 1 is trying to educate 2 through tales and comparisons. She tells her: Look..we are sitting in a room, that has bars over the window. It's good, we maybe feeling secure. Noone can enter...but..you see we are never able to see what the world is truly like...because there are always pieces of it, that gets covered by the bars...don't u just want to get rid of the bars? At other times, she is saying: look...by not taking the risk, you deprive yourself from the very bad things...but...from the very good ones too. Some people like to eat the same food. They go out to a restaurant, and order what they know...they don't dare to go for the exotic stuff, because they are afraid they'll stay hungry...rather, they give up the cavalcade of tastes, to quiet down their hunger. Well true..if the unknown food is not delicious enough..they'll stay hungry..that's unpleasant..but still they learn something..that they will never order it again..but in case the unkown food proves to be very delicious, they have their stomach filled AND will be gifted with a culinary journey to rich lands. I think it would be worthwhile to take the risk...if not for else, than to be in the favour of the taste buds, who are very curious creatures.
All in all...today I realized, that in order to be able to learn, develop, and maybe live a complete life...collecting as many experiences as possible, gaining wisdom and happiness I need to step out of my comfort zone. It's not easy, it requires a lot of effort, but...who has ever heard of such that the road to the treasure would be easy? Isn't it always filled with hurdles, abysses, dark forests, evil things hindering you to get to the heart of your desires? And who has ever heard that a coward manages to walk all the length of the road? Well...they turn back even before a true challenge is faced..but in exchange, they can only dream abou the treasure......After a bit of preparation, I think..I'll take the path of the warriors rather...
Monday, 10 October 2011
A little piece of joy
Today has been a bit exhausting day truly, had much work to do, did not really stand up from my desk, yet I was happy to be able to get absorbed a bit in work. I had a list of things to do, and no matter how long I had to stay in the office, I was content to see, that at the end, I managed to finish everything, and with a light heart I traveled home. The moon accompanied me as I walked across the bridge, and marveled at her silvery glaze..the sky was cloudy, and she found joy in playing hide and seek with me. I thought...she is so divine, so mysterious, and it is such a pleasure that tonight, she is there...out in the night..watching over me, guarding my dreams, singing a soft melody making the shadows dance, and the people sleep deep. Only now, that she was there, and I almost tripped walking home, as my eyes were focusing on her beauty did I realize, how much I miss her, when she vanes.
I was looking forward to come home, as if a bird is keen on reaching her nest, ready to cuddle in, and enjoy the peace. Over the weekend I traveled home, and went for a long walk to the forest, where I collected several treasures! Acorns, pine tree cones, rosehips, and leaves of all colours. I put them in my bag, because I wished to create a bit of autumn in my home. I made a little "altar" for this precious guest that finally arrived to my country. I spread my treasures on the table, and it relaxes my eyes, and fills my heart with joy to look upon them. If I cannot be in the forest, then I decided to bring the forest to my home. The colours, the harvest of this melancholic old friend are all represented on my little table, creating a brownish, reddish, orangish atmosphere. I just love it...this season makes me want to dream, to create, to observe, to think, to accept, and absorb.
Upon entering the flat, little did I notice I had another little suprise hiding there somewhere, patiently waiting to be discovered. I opened my mailbox, and this time, not only the bills, and fliers were there, but a postcard too. First I thought it is not mine, as I did not expect anyone sending me one from Spain, but I turned it over and there was my name on it. I got it from a friend of mine (Jan) a friend, whom I thought has forgotten me...or well, maybe not forgotten, but as I did have the chance to talk, or meet with him much lately I thought he'd definately not remember sending me a postcard...but he did!!! The joy over the surprise, over the recognition, that indeed he took the time and money to send this postcard to me filled my heart with such a joy, that I could not stop smiling. Lately I thought, connections are not always what they seem to be, that anything can happen, and people walk in and out of each others' lives. I started to think, that maybe we..humans became so self centered, and living in such "welfare" and also in such rush, that we kind of forgotten to pay attention to the details...to little things...little surprises, little kindnesses which in fact are the expressions of how much we care...a little postcard...just a few coins, and yet it can enlighten someone's whole evening, making her smile, and feel loved. Isn't it worth it? Isn't it great to make someone smile, and to ensure, that however far we might be...we are still taking care of the plant called friendship...that we find it important to maintain the connection, and that we truly care for the other one? I'm happy, because my hope that was not much watered lately and was about to fade away, recieved an abundant shower accompanied by a rainbow, lending her all the shades of colours to allow her shining brightly, and fresher than ever.
I was looking forward to come home, as if a bird is keen on reaching her nest, ready to cuddle in, and enjoy the peace. Over the weekend I traveled home, and went for a long walk to the forest, where I collected several treasures! Acorns, pine tree cones, rosehips, and leaves of all colours. I put them in my bag, because I wished to create a bit of autumn in my home. I made a little "altar" for this precious guest that finally arrived to my country. I spread my treasures on the table, and it relaxes my eyes, and fills my heart with joy to look upon them. If I cannot be in the forest, then I decided to bring the forest to my home. The colours, the harvest of this melancholic old friend are all represented on my little table, creating a brownish, reddish, orangish atmosphere. I just love it...this season makes me want to dream, to create, to observe, to think, to accept, and absorb.
Upon entering the flat, little did I notice I had another little suprise hiding there somewhere, patiently waiting to be discovered. I opened my mailbox, and this time, not only the bills, and fliers were there, but a postcard too. First I thought it is not mine, as I did not expect anyone sending me one from Spain, but I turned it over and there was my name on it. I got it from a friend of mine (Jan) a friend, whom I thought has forgotten me...or well, maybe not forgotten, but as I did have the chance to talk, or meet with him much lately I thought he'd definately not remember sending me a postcard...but he did!!! The joy over the surprise, over the recognition, that indeed he took the time and money to send this postcard to me filled my heart with such a joy, that I could not stop smiling. Lately I thought, connections are not always what they seem to be, that anything can happen, and people walk in and out of each others' lives. I started to think, that maybe we..humans became so self centered, and living in such "welfare" and also in such rush, that we kind of forgotten to pay attention to the details...to little things...little surprises, little kindnesses which in fact are the expressions of how much we care...a little postcard...just a few coins, and yet it can enlighten someone's whole evening, making her smile, and feel loved. Isn't it worth it? Isn't it great to make someone smile, and to ensure, that however far we might be...we are still taking care of the plant called friendship...that we find it important to maintain the connection, and that we truly care for the other one? I'm happy, because my hope that was not much watered lately and was about to fade away, recieved an abundant shower accompanied by a rainbow, lending her all the shades of colours to allow her shining brightly, and fresher than ever.
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