Why is it that sometimes my senses capable of capturing the world's very finest vibrations are so alert, that I hardly manage to recognize the "normal" world seen by others around me, and I tend to walk like a lunatic fascinatation accompanying my every step? Why is it that I love the rain, and grow thoughtful upon feeling the little beads of rain drops hitting my face? Why am I looking at the distant horizon, and the starry sky, when Fate decides to make people take sharp turns, turns that end in a road noone can estimate where it could be leading to?
As usual by now, I left the office late today...so it is with people who don't really need to rush home, as noone is waiting for them..they tend to become absorbed in work, in a good way...not because it's a burden, hard to bear, rather because it keeps them, busy, and maybe this way they can "fool" themselves with a fake feeling of being useful..but then again, I could be wrong.
I stepped out of the building and as I made my way towards the subway station I sensed a remarkable change in the "setting" around me. The road next to the sidewalk is usually very crowded, and noisy, the asphalt exhaling gasoline. On the left, huge buildings keep watch of the slowing heartbeat of the city, then a bit further ahead old buses wait patiently for the clock to crawl ahead until getting to a point that sets things in motion, engines roaring, passengers running, doors closing and those old chaps start their usual patroling.
Today however, it was different...the main street was not so noisy as it ought to have been, the giant buildings seemed to have pulled themselves together, as if wanting to defend themselves from something dark and dangerous that was about to tumble down on the city. The buses were yawning, and only a coughing sound could be heard when the driver attempted to start up the engine. The city around me seemed to be waiting for something...the arrival of something powerful. At this point, I looked up and I saw it. The sky above me was about to be swallowed by a monstrous cloud that bore the spectrum of black, blue and grey, and all the possible shades in between...yet as moments passed the shades of lighter blue and grey seemed to give up the fight and have melted completely into the threatening smokey black mass. The contrasts between dark and light have disappeared, only leaving a blur behind, contours lost, saturation becoming insufficient. Poor street lamps tried to fulfill their duty, but in this new, brusque world without the warm tinges of brown, orange and red, their glamor turned to a sort of fluorescent glory, that was hard to lay eyes upon, and certainly did not feel comforting.
The world underneath the surface did not keep any special suprises however. Tired people on the subway, some on their way home, some on their way to meet with friends. I knew, that I would not take the tram home...no...not today...I had to walk. I had to feel the rain...I had to feel the wind's strong grip around me...trying to free me from my coat, bag, all my belongings. I walked home. I like it, that when it's raining as there are less people on the street, making the city seem a bit calmer, a bit more understanding...bit more motherly...in these moments I can imagine she truly cares for me...I can feel that she is happy to be relaxed, welcoming towards the little raindrops refreshing her, cleaning her from the dust settled insolently in her pores.
Yeah..the walk in the city is certainly not to be compared to the walks in the countryside. It's more sad here...somehow I miss the smells...the breath of the rain evaporating through to pores of the damp forest, through the wet leaves, the moss, the grass, the bark of the trees...when I was at home, this past weekend I took a walk after the rain, and I could feel my lungs greedily feasting on the fresh air that embraced the hills, fields and forests..those little oxygen molecules triggered an electric shock in my veins, and I could feel the new life hastingly rushing up and down my body, filling all my cells with joy, contentment and assurance that life is beautiful.
The rain in the city though...makes me thoughtful instead. Makes me dwell on gifts we possess, but don't use, because we might not even know about their existence...on challenges that come our way, though we are not yet prepared for them, and do not even know, whether we have the strength to tackle them....on love that's like water, hard to keep at control, but does fit the shape of its container...on fate, the mighty empress we long to understand, but at one point stop fighting against and let her take the lead, tossing us on a road that suits us most, this way ensuring we learn what we are meant to learn, we see what we are meant to see, and hopefully along the way, understand a bit more of the mystery hidden behind the veil of reasons.
Tuesday, 24 April 2012
Thursday, 5 April 2012
A deeper shade of blue
This evening was to be spent at home, in my bed..with a book...maybe a tea..in company of my precious plant that started to turn towards the window with an even greater speed, than what I was used to in the dark days of winter...I think they realized that the spring is here, and their way of showing their happiness is manifested in their faster moves (still relative, they have not started to run around in my room). So my plan was to come home, and chill out, after a really impulsive 2 weeks, but...how can someone interfere with the Universe? It had other plans for me...
After leaving the office I finally decided to give into the little squeeking noise disturbing the peaceful kingdom of my mind, and decided to stop at a shop on the way home, where last week I saw a pair of agreeable shoes. Nothing special, I've tried them, they still fit me, that was nice to see, that in the course of the last week my feet have not yet deformed much, not that they would, but still it is worth checking time to time...one can never know...so I bought them and headed home...aaand that's when the adventure begin!
After weighing the odds, making a quick, but thorough calculation which way home would be the shortest, most comfortable, most convenient, I chose the longest...my heart & emotions won over my brain again..I heaeded towards tram number 18. Whilst walking, I felt something..thing, but long fingers capturing my head and turning it to my left...at first I found it strange, and I became rather curious,but upont looking in the wanted direction, the pieces of puzzle got to their place...there was the moon, almost full, shining so brightly, one could not NOT realize it. But there was something different about the moon this time. I stopped and took the time to examine it (in the meantime the lights turned green, then red, then green, but I didn't mind), and then it dawned on me! It was not so much the moon, but the sky around it! It was not black, as I have always thought, but blue...further away from the mighty queen it was very dark, silky kind of blue, but in its proximity it slowly faded into a lighter kind of silvery blue...all the sudden it all reminded me of the deep blue see, with a trembling moon on its surface. This discovery chased out every thought from my mind for a while, I was somewhat taken a back, and wondered, if I have only realized this nature of the sky now, then it is either the result of a) me getting old (but I threw this option away very quickly) b) I'm drunk (but I did not drink anything) c) I have sight problems (I've been to the doctor not long ago, and everything was fine) d) not everything is what it seems at first glance, and as such there are always things to discover..or rediscover! I chose this last option.
Content with my new experience I was waiting patiently in the tram stop, still staring at the moon (once I look at her, I cannot take my eyes off of her) when another weird feeling crept under my skin..something was somehow not fitting into the picture of what you expect from a city. Trams, ok, people, ticked, but..where the moon was, in the field of my view it looked different. It felt like as if I was sitting in the audience and what I saw ahead of me were just certain scenes of the stage, but somehow they mixed two eras..a modern one, and an old one..a known one and a forgotten one...a superficial one, and a deep one...a common one and a mystic one...on the left and right there were two big, very vividly painted yellow buildings, bathing in the light of street lamps, but in what appeared to be the center of my vision, between the 2 yellow buildings, there was a thin, dark street hiding...the contrast was so great, I could not see much, only darkness there, the shadows of the houses, 3 lit windows, the roofs, that stood behind each other like soldiers on the field ready to attack when the command arrives, and above them, the moon...casting on herself the role of a watchman...she looked down with very attentive eyes, but embracing in herself many secrets about this littel street...you had the feeling, that something powerful, something eery was about to happen there, and in that world it is not unusual, but there is a silent agreement between the forces of the Universe that those events are forbidden to be known to anyone. However I grew suspicious! I couldhardly fight the urge in me to go there, and check the place out, instead I started to imagine the kind of inhabitants of that street on such a night like this...passionate, yet wicked, dark, long haired, powerful women, tall men, dressed in black tail coat with bewitching eyes, wise old ladies, and cunning lords..all part of a society that was thought to be not existent any more. I was pretty much amused by this vision, and was already waiting to see what will happen, when the tram showed up, and I was pulled back to the city life...unwillingly I got on the tram, and chose a seat next to the window, hoping I can still see the apparition, but...the inside of the tram was so bright, I could only see the reflections of the chairs through the window...
As the tram was hastingly delivering me home I was listening to music, and almost stepping into the world of imagination again, when a man got on. Let's be honest he was very drunk, and very homeless (carrying his bedcover with himself) and even the greatest good will could noone say his smell was bearable. He got on, looked at the crowd and asked the question: "Where should I sit?" As he got closer to a couple, sitting next to the door, just across me, they got up, and he had not one, but even 2 places! I thought, fine, the story is over...buuuut...nope..he kept on talking to himself, but so loud, that anyone could here. We understood, that he did not even want to get on this tram, but he doesn't mind now, as at least this way he can see some beautiful women (and looked pointedly at me..ehmm). He was fixing me with his eyes, in a way piercing me to the seat, but I did not feel uncomfortable at all, though at one point I thought I'll blush when it was the 5th time he complimented my look...I was smiling to myself, but almost burst out in a loud laugh when the couple nearby me got up, and the lady...well the lady was the type who likes to show what she's got...she was wearing a purple dress, neatly low cut in the front, and short enough on the back, with boots on. Now our friend could not leave this without remarks, he mentioned the lady's partner that this one is a hot babe, has good & huge! boobs..then the lady, I think because of being embarrased did not know how to react, and started to pull her dress down, but! our friend told her not to do so, and was hungrily looking at her remarkable butt. Thank God it was my stop to get off, so I stood up, and drew the attention of our friend to myself (bet the lady was more than thankful) who then felt the need of reassuring me again that he liked me, then asked if I'm angry, but I answered with a "no" and a smile :)
After getting off, this little "adventure" made me think...and also made me realize...how badly we manage when someone tells us what he thinks..bluntly, just like that...not caring about conventions, good manners or whatever..because this time the whole tram went numb...noone said a word, and tried to force on themselves an expression of "I don't care" but ...their efforts were rather in vain, as the man was loud, and impudently honest...he wanted us to hear him...and we did :) and froze :) What if we all threw away our masks and would say without limitations (but obviously without intention) what was on our mind/heart? Pretty entertaining to think about it :)
After leaving the office I finally decided to give into the little squeeking noise disturbing the peaceful kingdom of my mind, and decided to stop at a shop on the way home, where last week I saw a pair of agreeable shoes. Nothing special, I've tried them, they still fit me, that was nice to see, that in the course of the last week my feet have not yet deformed much, not that they would, but still it is worth checking time to time...one can never know...so I bought them and headed home...aaand that's when the adventure begin!
After weighing the odds, making a quick, but thorough calculation which way home would be the shortest, most comfortable, most convenient, I chose the longest...my heart & emotions won over my brain again..I heaeded towards tram number 18. Whilst walking, I felt something..thing, but long fingers capturing my head and turning it to my left...at first I found it strange, and I became rather curious,but upont looking in the wanted direction, the pieces of puzzle got to their place...there was the moon, almost full, shining so brightly, one could not NOT realize it. But there was something different about the moon this time. I stopped and took the time to examine it (in the meantime the lights turned green, then red, then green, but I didn't mind), and then it dawned on me! It was not so much the moon, but the sky around it! It was not black, as I have always thought, but blue...further away from the mighty queen it was very dark, silky kind of blue, but in its proximity it slowly faded into a lighter kind of silvery blue...all the sudden it all reminded me of the deep blue see, with a trembling moon on its surface. This discovery chased out every thought from my mind for a while, I was somewhat taken a back, and wondered, if I have only realized this nature of the sky now, then it is either the result of a) me getting old (but I threw this option away very quickly) b) I'm drunk (but I did not drink anything) c) I have sight problems (I've been to the doctor not long ago, and everything was fine) d) not everything is what it seems at first glance, and as such there are always things to discover..or rediscover! I chose this last option.
Content with my new experience I was waiting patiently in the tram stop, still staring at the moon (once I look at her, I cannot take my eyes off of her) when another weird feeling crept under my skin..something was somehow not fitting into the picture of what you expect from a city. Trams, ok, people, ticked, but..where the moon was, in the field of my view it looked different. It felt like as if I was sitting in the audience and what I saw ahead of me were just certain scenes of the stage, but somehow they mixed two eras..a modern one, and an old one..a known one and a forgotten one...a superficial one, and a deep one...a common one and a mystic one...on the left and right there were two big, very vividly painted yellow buildings, bathing in the light of street lamps, but in what appeared to be the center of my vision, between the 2 yellow buildings, there was a thin, dark street hiding...the contrast was so great, I could not see much, only darkness there, the shadows of the houses, 3 lit windows, the roofs, that stood behind each other like soldiers on the field ready to attack when the command arrives, and above them, the moon...casting on herself the role of a watchman...she looked down with very attentive eyes, but embracing in herself many secrets about this littel street...you had the feeling, that something powerful, something eery was about to happen there, and in that world it is not unusual, but there is a silent agreement between the forces of the Universe that those events are forbidden to be known to anyone. However I grew suspicious! I couldhardly fight the urge in me to go there, and check the place out, instead I started to imagine the kind of inhabitants of that street on such a night like this...passionate, yet wicked, dark, long haired, powerful women, tall men, dressed in black tail coat with bewitching eyes, wise old ladies, and cunning lords..all part of a society that was thought to be not existent any more. I was pretty much amused by this vision, and was already waiting to see what will happen, when the tram showed up, and I was pulled back to the city life...unwillingly I got on the tram, and chose a seat next to the window, hoping I can still see the apparition, but...the inside of the tram was so bright, I could only see the reflections of the chairs through the window...
As the tram was hastingly delivering me home I was listening to music, and almost stepping into the world of imagination again, when a man got on. Let's be honest he was very drunk, and very homeless (carrying his bedcover with himself) and even the greatest good will could noone say his smell was bearable. He got on, looked at the crowd and asked the question: "Where should I sit?" As he got closer to a couple, sitting next to the door, just across me, they got up, and he had not one, but even 2 places! I thought, fine, the story is over...buuuut...nope..he kept on talking to himself, but so loud, that anyone could here. We understood, that he did not even want to get on this tram, but he doesn't mind now, as at least this way he can see some beautiful women (and looked pointedly at me..ehmm). He was fixing me with his eyes, in a way piercing me to the seat, but I did not feel uncomfortable at all, though at one point I thought I'll blush when it was the 5th time he complimented my look...I was smiling to myself, but almost burst out in a loud laugh when the couple nearby me got up, and the lady...well the lady was the type who likes to show what she's got...she was wearing a purple dress, neatly low cut in the front, and short enough on the back, with boots on. Now our friend could not leave this without remarks, he mentioned the lady's partner that this one is a hot babe, has good & huge! boobs..then the lady, I think because of being embarrased did not know how to react, and started to pull her dress down, but! our friend told her not to do so, and was hungrily looking at her remarkable butt. Thank God it was my stop to get off, so I stood up, and drew the attention of our friend to myself (bet the lady was more than thankful) who then felt the need of reassuring me again that he liked me, then asked if I'm angry, but I answered with a "no" and a smile :)
After getting off, this little "adventure" made me think...and also made me realize...how badly we manage when someone tells us what he thinks..bluntly, just like that...not caring about conventions, good manners or whatever..because this time the whole tram went numb...noone said a word, and tried to force on themselves an expression of "I don't care" but ...their efforts were rather in vain, as the man was loud, and impudently honest...he wanted us to hear him...and we did :) and froze :) What if we all threw away our masks and would say without limitations (but obviously without intention) what was on our mind/heart? Pretty entertaining to think about it :)
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