I took the one less traveled by...

A good friend reminded me, that it's about time I've returned to the realms of writing, and through writing sharing, and creating memories which will mark certain milestones of my life, making it easy (and hopefully fun) to trace back how I've dealt with life if once I grow old.... This friend is right, it's been too long...but for my defense..I've been gathering inspiration! Yet, it may very well be, that this "episode" of the "book" will not be so descriptive in nature..but rather philosophical... Why is that? Well because I've just thrown away my old life and started something completely new...and I guess such significant changes always make one halt..and think..all the impulses of the new life, all the challenges, doubts, questions, uncertainties whirling in one's head, mixed with a hint of loneliness and instability just crave for settling down with the hope in one's heart, that at least one will be able to give a frame to the new picture that is yet still forming...day after day, new colours are being added and who knows when a capturable theme will become visible...Strange, I've always longed to be spontaneous and easy going, and when my world is upside down, I can't help it...I'm craving for some...at least some structure! My old life was really pleasant..I can't complain about it...I lived in a city I knew well, and felt comfortable in...I worked for a company that treated me right...I was surrounded by wonderful friends who brought me joy and fun, never letting me sinking into the slimey hole of boredom...I felt great, the only frustration being that time went by so quickly..I could not keep up with it. I had a lovely family, supporting me, looking after me...I'd go home every second weekend to visit them, and we'd go for long and marvellous walks, that would energize and prepare me for the coming week. I thought I've figured life out! I thought I've reached my goals, and regarding the ones that were still a way away, I felt rather sure, that by careful and attentive planning I'll manage to book them too. My days became predictable in a sense, rarely would I have to face diversions from the "usual" and if yes, I'd still be comfortable with such "alterations to the plan" as I'd know how to deal with such "anomalies". I've calmed down, and thought I knew what life has in store for me..which is strange for someone in her 30s..it would rather characterize someone in her 70s...The thing is, that somehow, I've accepted that there won't be a sudden miracle...I won't win the lottery (even though I've never really given up hope)...and I won't change my life radically...I thought my life line resembles a rather straight line, and I've grown accustomed to it...I've learned to handle it, and adjust my whole being to it. I've planned to follow the straight line, get a mortgage, buy a flat, and tie myself to my company for another 20 years. And yet, sometimes, on a starry night when the crickets would be playing their sweet music I could not help to let the little doubt force his way to the frontier of my mind...questioning me, whether I'm really doing the right thing by choosing to accept, that this is my life...the small voice would ask me, whether it's not just a form of escape, or someone giving in...But I was clever! Ohh I was...I've explained the tine squeeling voice that in case I did not like my current state of being, and did not do anything about it, it would be giving in, but since I like my current state of being, it's not giving in, it's accepting, moreover it's a happy acceptance! But then...all these articles in random newspapers and books kept crossing my way...and they were all about changes...that when the time comes one needs to be courageous and embrace the changes...because life is about changes..it's like a river flowing freely, travelling through mountains and valleys, forming everything that gets in her way...life is never fix..no one moment in life is the same, and if one is unable to react to changes...seize the opportunity hidden in them, the person is likely to get stuck and without realizing cease to really live...So I thought about it...what if an opportunity for a change came, and it impacted my life? Well..it sent shivers down my spine... Stepping out of my comfort zone, leaving everything behind that gave me stability and security, plunging in to the unknown, being reborn if you like, was not something I've fancied...and at that point I have not even mentioned the risks yet...when most of my life I've been trying hard..very hard, to avoid the risks...I thought, despite of all the wisdom of those masters and teachers going on about the significance of changes, it's still not for me...and I felt good for being able to explain myself why I'm right about detesting to take on the challenges of change..but I also felt miserable because I thought myself to be a coward, and the chance of new doors (potentially leading to a magical new world) being opened by taking on the ris tickled my mind. Something deep down was trying to convince me that when one says yes to a challenge, the Universe will be by her side, helping her, and eventually she will harvest the ripen fruits of the hard work it takes to choose the road less traveled by... Because the choice can be compared to 2 roads...Where the roads take you to, it's unknown..and that's the only common thing in them..in all other aspects they differ. One is nice and wide, straight, with flowers on each side, crossing through green fields as far as the eyes can see..it's seemingly secure and very lovely. The other one however is curvy, rocky, and after a few meters leads into a vast, stern, majestic, thick forest...Many would say, taking the risk, and choosing the forest is silly, because it's unforeseeable what threats the forest might contain...and yet I think it is worth trying...why? Because by choosing that, one is able to conquer one's own fear, and whilst tackling/overcoming the challenges of the road one will grow in faith and character and through experience will obtain the key of wisdom opening the secret doors of the Universe. I'm not saying however that the nice road is a bad option..for some it will bring satisfaction, and completion...but it won't reveal the key of wisdom...because one can only learn through mistakes..(good or bad) decisions..one can only grow if one is stimulated by challenge...and the way how one deals with challenge is the key to develop in character and get enriched by wisdom. I did not take the easy road...and I know there are and will be times when I'll regret it, like now, when I'm crossing the vast and dark forest without any indication of it ever opening to a plateau bathed in sunsine...but as long as my heart is filled with faith, hope and love I shall not surrender... I shall renew my strength, find patience and trust that I'm walking the path I meant to walk...And if not? Then at least I've tried, and I won't have to be afraid that once, when I'll choose the "easy" road I won't be able to value its beauty and will take it for granted after a few miles (when I got used to the spectacular view of flowers and lush green fields), because I'll always have the memory of a much more unpredictable road...one less traveled by.