The journey dedicated to the moon...

The time has come...I need to get ready...tomorrow I'll start my journey to the great uknown..to a faraway land, I've never seen before, but has fantasized about...to a road, I've heard much of, but never explored.  I'm not packed yet, it is my task for this afternoon, I thought I'd go to bed early today, to be able to wake up tomorrow morning..the plane leaves at 6 AM, and it's gonna take a long time to get to the starting point, that is Saint Jean Pied de Port.

At the beginning of the week, as the date was coming closer, a multitude of thoughts kept flying around in my mind.  I thought I will set goals, I will have certain things which I'd expect to achieve by this journey.  I wanted to use the el camino, to make me see, to get to know myself more, to help me let go, to energize me, to turn me inside out..but by now all these thoughts vanished...all I want is to walk the way...to be there, to inhale the fresh mountain air, to be completely fulfilled with images, that'll come my way.  I'd just like to soak into the nature, to the freedom, of not worrying about anything, leaving everything that is known behind...to get close to the gates of such a Universe, that is in front of us all our lives, but we are too busy to realize it, so we just go in circles, as if we had no destination...I'd like the hilltops, the trees, the woods, the wells, the springs to teach me all they can, to wash me through...to help me get rid of all that is unnecessary...to amaze me with their beauty, to evoke the spirit in me...

I am not sure how it will be, not sure what will come along my way, and not sure how I'll whitstand the different situations...not sure where the destination is, not sure how I'll get there...but I am sure, that every single footsteps of mine will be watched by the stars, and God..and they will not let me end up where I would not want to.  Hopefully, they will open those gates for me, and let me be overflown by love, that I so much desire...the love for life...hopefully my soul will be at peace, and I'll be able to "revalue" everything that happened, and will look forward with curiosity and a more stable foundation to whatever is to happen in the future. 

I'd love to dedicate the journey to the moon, my trusted old friend, the white mother, the virgin, the always changing beauty that has always been there to embrace me...in times of sorrow, and to dance with me, in times of joy.  I'd love to be able to thank God for all the hardships, that were necessary, as they woke me up from a long slept dream.  I know that I cannot taste sweetness to the fullest, until I have tasted bitter...I cannot value the water, until I have almost died of thirst....therefore, let me understand the nature of love, the force that drives everything on this Earth, and is more powerful than anything...let me find gold in the ashes left after by a big flame.  Let me plant my hope with good seed, instead of covering myself with thistle and weeds.

2 weeks...let these 2 weeks of solitude help me to chase out the Other from me...the one, who is fearful, worried about conventions and others' opinions...the one, who likes to be in control, and gives so little authority to the heart...the Other, who is very weak, but likes to make people think she is strong. 

I'll write a diary of my journey..the journey to the unknown...if I return, I shall share parts of it here...until then, I wish to the whole world, to stop for a moment...of the rush, take a minute, and let your heart be heard...let its whispers strengthen, let it tell you the magic tales of love.

A notable spring evening..

Finally the spring, or maybe summer even, has arrived to Budapest...Today, after work, and Russian class I thought I will walk home alone, but to my pleasure, I was accompanied by my friend Zs.  She had yoga class, and we decided, that we will go together along the river until we reach the Arpad bridge - that is where her class is.  Unfortunately - or rather, fortunately for me - we were walking too slow, and she would not have been able to get there on time, so we thought, we'll buy a beer, and sit down by the river, chat some, and enjoy the mild spring breeze.  We found a nice, not so noisy spot, and sat there, until the night covered us with its velvety dark blanket.  Soon, the stars started to appear one by one, and we tried to identify the signs, we knew.  We talked about nature, memories of home, our dogs, trips...

It felt like the life is flowing back to me...I was sitting there, in my pink shirt, and pink and black tie, jeans and tennis shoes...the wind was messing with my hair, I had a beer in one hand, and a cigarette in the other...in front of me the gentle waves of the river, some ducks swiftly floating by, and a beautiful view of old Budapest.  The moon, the mysterious moon was playing hide and seek behind the clouds, then gained authority, and outshined its star fellows.  I laid back, and let myself be fascinated by the setting around me.  I've missed this during the long winter, when the days were cold, the sun set so soon...but now that the nature is dressing into green again, that the flowers are blooming, and there is a sort of bubbling of life all around I feel much eased, and cheerful.


I thought I'd describe the feeling more...in a detailed version, but I can hardly keep my eyes open - maybe due to the long walk - so I head to bed instead...good night world, welcome spring!

Menuju se Dió, mam malou hnedou tasku :)

Wow...I've just arrived home, and I am so much thrilled.  Today was my first czech language lesson.  I need to say I was rather afraid, how it will go, what kind of teaching method the teacher is going to use etc.  First it was so, that the lessons will be held on Thursdays..so yesterday I thought, OK, I've got time to pay for it, and I've already agreed with my Russian teacher that I shall skip the Thursday class, to attend Czech, but! then I got the information that the classes will be on Wednesday! So in the morning, I started the day with going to the Centre, paying for the course :) Then I went to the office (ehmm a bit late) started to work, had a marvelous lunch with my friend B, while we discussed some details about our trip, that is coming closer and closer (next Sunday ouuuu!) I am a bit...afraid how all that walking will go, whether I was right in deciding that I will use one of my old shoes, still wondering if I should buy another sleeping bag, and praying that the weather will be nice.  I am so much looking forward to be in the nature finally, away from everything I know, at an unknow place, with unknown destiniy...I will go there filled with thoughts, and worries, and I hope to return more balanced, determined, having a clearer vision on myself and my life. 

I've got a stone..it is nice...rounded stone...perfectly shaped by the water...I found it one day, in Russia, on the shore of the Ladoshkoe Ozero...I picked it up, as I really was fascinated by its perfectness.  On that day, I was there with some of my friends from France..a boy, G sat down, looking at the water, while writing his diary, then he took a stick, and wrote something in the sand...later on took a picture of it (the writing was: je t'aime) and sent it to his girlfriend...somehow...this gesture, and all the feelings connected to it got soaked into that stone..since that time...I came back from Russia...I understood the feelings behind that little sentence carved into the sand on that beach...I've been through hilltops and deep valleys, clouds and caves...and that stone is on my shelf..next to my bed...for a while now, I am thinking about this stone...I even wrote a letter on it.."M"...I decided I will take this stone with me for my trip to Spain, and at the end, eased, and calmed...hopefully enriched, I will leave the stone there..and with the stone..I hope to leave the past behind...I tend to have difficulties with letting go...with overcoming memories and the past, and I realized it is something I need to resolve...I need to improve my capabilities of living in the present...so I thought this will be a symbol...if I take this treasure of mine, and let it go...let it continue its journey..its own life, it could be a good lesson for me...This stone came from the far away Russia...and due to my "egoism" my will of wanting to tie it to myself, it could not live its life for the past 5 years...becaue it was precious for me, I wanted to keep it...hidden...to be forever mine...but this way it was just standing there...on my shelf...locked away from sunshine, water, sand...all its natural environment...but next Sunday I'll take it...I'll take it back to where it belongs...to nature...I let it go, after a last embrace, so that it could live the life it always wanted...I'll place it somewhere nice..maybe into a little creek, maybe next to an old bridge, maybe into the shadows of the forest...so that it could continue being shaped...maybe someone will think what I thought "what a lovely, and perfect stone!" and will take it with himself...maybe to another continent...then maybe he will also realize, that he needs to let it go, and will place it somewhere, and maybe one day after a looooong long time, it will be taken back to its home, to the Ladoshkoe Ozero...but it is also possible, that noone will notice the stone, and it will be left there...in the forming, kind hands of nature...maybe one day I'll find it again, but it will not at all be so perfect any more, maybe it will be a bit broken, scretched, or not so perfectly rounded any more, thoght for me it will still be that perfect stone I treasured....for now I cannot know where my precious stone will end up, what paths it will have to travel to get there, what plays the laughing stars are going to draw it into....but I know that it is ready to go, explore, learn and grow...so I'll let it go...with love...

Huhh, I did not even think I will end up telling the story of my precious stone :) I wished to write about my Czech lesson :) but it seems like I got carried away...hmmmm...well...the lesson this evening was just great! Our teacher does not really talk Hungarian, so she was talking in Czech, and I loved to listen to her! It is such a cute, soft, nice language! I am in love with it!  And she is a very professional teacher, the whole lesson was very energizing, we could not be "sleeping" for a minute, our attention was completely drawn to her.  We all had to answer her questions, were asked to make microdialogues, then learned a bit of grammar, and even sang a song :) I'm a bit sad we only have the class once a week...wish it was at least 3 times, and then soon I could even read books in Czech...BUT! I shall not be impatient, I am very happy I decided to attend this course, and who knows, maybe in a year's time I can write this blog in Czech :) ha ha ha.. :)

The mighty Myra Falls

The whole of last week was rather, busy, but the fact, that at the end, on Saturday I may travel to Muggendorf (Austria) kept me energized.  However, by the end of the week I managed to use up all of my batteries, as there was program for every day.  Each day of the week, after work, I had Russian, then a get together with friends.  All this was topped by a goodbye party for my friend, who left the company where we have been working together for quite long.  I thought I will leave the party at 11 PM, but the mood, the people, the music all inspired me to stay - we had a great time, many came, we drank a bit, and danced - so at the end I managed to get home by 2:30 AM.  :( Rushed to bed, as I had to wake up at 4:30 AM...I covered myself with blankets, closed my eyes, and a minute after, my alarm went off..I could not believe it..I got out of bed, but...felt so so tired, and ill...(ehmm maybe a bit of hangover was to be blamed for all that as well) that I sent a message to my friend Norita, who invited me that maybe I will not be able to go...but she already prepared the sandwiches, and was so much counting on me, so at the end I forced myself to drink some water, to freshen up, I walked several circles in my room, and dressed up...was ready for the big adventure...

After leaving the flat, I bumped into several guys, who were on their way home after the usual Friday night party.  One of them greeted me and asked, if I do not mind if he asks me a question.  I did not mind, but I was rather hurrying (did not want Norita and her friends to wait) so he decided to hurry with me.  He asked me whether the fact that a guy has a flat and a car makes him a better party for me..whether the "prestige" or what he managed to gain so far (materially) makes me want to go out with him more. I answered with a no, he thanked and I went on.  Then another guy came to me and told me that he is a student at University and is looking for some money to be able to by a beer..I told him, that I am going for a trip, and do not carry money with myself. Then he told me that it is very odd, that I am going for a trip at this time of the day, but that he envies me..and asked whether I have seen the movie 127 hours..I told him no, but I know what it is about..so he warned me not to end up as that man, and we walked on separate ways. (While waiting for my friends to pick me up, I saw the guys again, and they kept shouting "ahh that is the 127 hour girl" ...nice :) )

The way to Muggendorf went by pretty quickly, especially as I was very tired, and spent most of the journey by ..trying to sleep.  In Austria we realized, that we do not have an Austrian GPS :) but still managed to find our destination.  There came together quite many people (around 30) and at 10ish we set off.  I need to say, these Myra Falls are..breathtaking.  The entering fee is 2 euros, to enable them keeping the wooden stairs that lead up above the falls in good shape.  While walking up there, surrounded by the wet rocks, the roaring sound of the crystal clear water flowing over them I was already in despair, that I will not be able to express that beauty experienced there by words.  However, I shall try to give back at least part of the feeling that filled my heart, while viewing such magnificent creation of Mother Nature.  Already after a few steps all my worries, fears and hassles of the weekdays started to fly out of me..their place was taken over by astonishment, by "awe" by thankfulness that I can be there...that I may be able to become part of that miracle called nature...I was not me any more, I was a rusty leaf laying on the soft floor underneath the giant trees lit by the warm spring sun...I was the quick mountain trout disappearing and reappearing again in the small creek...I was the dark green velvety moss living on the huge rocks, kept humid all the time by the overflowing water...I was the little particle of mist arising from the waterfalls...I was the drops of water that rolled away like pearls, as the waterfall hit the top of the rocks...we walked, and after a while I did not manage to concentrate on people walking before and after me as my mind was completely filled by beauty, gratitude, joy and peace...I walked on inhaling the fresh air, trying to preserve it in my lungs, I wished to stop at every single waterfall to just sit down, let the happy spring sun rays rest on my face and play hide and seek with my freckles...I wished to contemplate..to let the water, the forest, the rocks draw all my attention to them..to be able to talk to me...tell me their story, and listen to mine...but this time, as we were with a group, we had to move on (however, once I'll have a car, I know, that this is a place, where I must go back..if possible, even spend a night there). 

After the falls, we got to a field, where we took a little break and then moved on to the woods.  We walked up the hills, and got to a place where there were caves hiding in the rocks.  Of course they were at an elevated height, but the iron ladders encouraged the brave ones to climb up, and check them from their insides.  Before I thought (when I was at the top of some heigh buildings) that I am bit afraid of heights, but after climbing up there I happily realized that it does not apply to me in nature.  While climbing the ladders, that were tightly adjusted to the rocks, I felt like a cat, putting its crawles into little holes on the wall...it was such a nice and energizing experience! I got up rather quickly, was not out of breath, and found myself in the a dark little cave, where everything was slippery and hiding in the shadows..that is when the thought occured to me that maybe I should look for an organization, that visits caves, even bigger ones, and would teach me, and include me in their adventures.

The caves were followed by some more caves, and in between we were gifted by a breathtaking view from up above the rocks.  The weather was gorgeous, I was so happy to be there, that I wished I could have stayed there for longer..we ate our home made sandwiches, and some talked, some tried to carve what they saw into their memories.

Then we started our way back, through the woods, had a break again on the field, layed down and enjoyed the sun.  The last stop of the journey was a walk up to a rock called Hausstein.  I have seen something like this before in Cesky Raj, huge, outstanding rocks, serving as watchtovers in the area surrounded by hills.  We walked up there and...again...I was stunned.  I sat down there, on one of the rocks, from where one could get a spectacular view on the pine tree covered hills, fresh green meadows, far away houses.  A gentle breeze was blowing, it swang the twigs of the pine trees popping up from the side of the rocks.  As one was looking far far..the view was broken by these pine tree twigs, gently dancing in the horizon of the eye.  The afternoon sun was mild, the sky blue...the rocks mighty...It felt like "alles ist in Ordnung" that life is marvelous, that no matter what crisis comes, what you need to face in your life, how people behave, or in what you do not succeed...you come here, rest...put down your "bag" filled with heavy thoughts, and you are free..free like the birds crossing the sky, gentle like the breeze...strong as the pine tree living on the rocks...that place with all its miracles makes your heart beat again, wakes up your cells...it is an energy, that runs threw your veins with excessive speed, making them dance..making them want to live and celebrate.  I dreamed, that once I shall come back here, spend an afternoon there, and also spend a night, when the sky is clear and the stars are bright...I thought, it could be magical to let them share some of their secrets with me..as the place really fits for it.  After everyone took pictures (I could not, as my batteries were low :( ) we headed back to the parking lot, we walked across a cute little field, where people were having picknick on blankets (so much wished I could do a picknick there too..with a bubbleblower, fruits, vegetables and a diary) then had a last chance to walk by this rock, which we just conquered,... and as I looked up on it, it seemed even more like a giant, and its white walls were luring me...for  a minute, I imagined how great it would be to be there, on that wall, surrounded by nothing, but the wind, and the forest below..the adrenalin in me increased and the seed was immediately planted...maybe one day I shall talk about it...how it is in reality ;-) On the way back, my ears were filled again with the soothing sound of the waterfalls, they did not want to let me go..and I so much wanted to stay...but for now they've given me what I needed..we shared, they taught me and I was renewed...ready to move on...filled with the determination, and wisdom, regarding what I need, and what I wish to do.  I need to work..to be able to have the money...so that when I would have the free time, I could explore these magical places on the Earth, so that I could feed my soul, that I could be enriched by all their beauty..and then one day I need to have a home near such a marvelous place...in nature...and by that time..I shall be such an experienced tracker, that I could take my kids with me..passing on to them the secrets of nature...so that they could also carry in themselves the keys that open the doors of invisible Universes...

At the parking lot we said goodbye to each other, and headed home.  I got to my flat at 9:30ish...took a shower, and jumped to bed...for a fraction of a second all the magic I was part of that day rushed at me in a form of a very speedy slideshow, then closed my eyes, and sank into a restful sleep...thank you Norita for the invitation, you might not even know how big of a gift it was for me.