The time has come...I need to get ready...tomorrow I'll start my journey to the great uknown..to a faraway land, I've never seen before, but has fantasized about...to a road, I've heard much of, but never explored. I'm not packed yet, it is my task for this afternoon, I thought I'd go to bed early today, to be able to wake up tomorrow morning..the plane leaves at 6 AM, and it's gonna take a long time to get to the starting point, that is Saint Jean Pied de Port.
At the beginning of the week, as the date was coming closer, a multitude of thoughts kept flying around in my mind. I thought I will set goals, I will have certain things which I'd expect to achieve by this journey. I wanted to use the el camino, to make me see, to get to know myself more, to help me let go, to energize me, to turn me inside out..but by now all these thoughts vanished...all I want is to walk the way...to be there, to inhale the fresh mountain air, to be completely fulfilled with images, that'll come my way. I'd just like to soak into the nature, to the freedom, of not worrying about anything, leaving everything that is known behind...to get close to the gates of such a Universe, that is in front of us all our lives, but we are too busy to realize it, so we just go in circles, as if we had no destination...I'd like the hilltops, the trees, the woods, the wells, the springs to teach me all they can, to wash me through...to help me get rid of all that is unnecessary...to amaze me with their beauty, to evoke the spirit in me...
I am not sure how it will be, not sure what will come along my way, and not sure how I'll whitstand the different situations...not sure where the destination is, not sure how I'll get there...but I am sure, that every single footsteps of mine will be watched by the stars, and God..and they will not let me end up where I would not want to. Hopefully, they will open those gates for me, and let me be overflown by love, that I so much desire...the love for life...hopefully my soul will be at peace, and I'll be able to "revalue" everything that happened, and will look forward with curiosity and a more stable foundation to whatever is to happen in the future.
I'd love to dedicate the journey to the moon, my trusted old friend, the white mother, the virgin, the always changing beauty that has always been there to embrace me...in times of sorrow, and to dance with me, in times of joy. I'd love to be able to thank God for all the hardships, that were necessary, as they woke me up from a long slept dream. I know that I cannot taste sweetness to the fullest, until I have tasted bitter...I cannot value the water, until I have almost died of thirst....therefore, let me understand the nature of love, the force that drives everything on this Earth, and is more powerful than anything...let me find gold in the ashes left after by a big flame. Let me plant my hope with good seed, instead of covering myself with thistle and weeds.
2 weeks...let these 2 weeks of solitude help me to chase out the Other from me...the one, who is fearful, worried about conventions and others' opinions...the one, who likes to be in control, and gives so little authority to the heart...the Other, who is very weak, but likes to make people think she is strong.
I'll write a diary of my journey..the journey to the unknown...if I return, I shall share parts of it here...until then, I wish to the whole world, to stop for a moment...of the rush, take a minute, and let your heart be heard...let its whispers strengthen, let it tell you the magic tales of love.
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