The sunny morning has now been replaced by a gloomy afternoon..the clouds seem to favour our city lately, they tend to hold their gatherings here, giving a darker, more blunt tone to the streets, buildings, windows, and people too. The darkness crept into my room slowly, I did not even have the chance to realize when it took over, but as my bed, carpet, shelves and plants surrendered to its sticky power, acknowledging its authority, I was in need of lighting a candle to steal a bit of light into the black kingdom. I cannot help it, I love these afternoons, no rush, no disturbing noise entering the flat from outside..only the splashing sound of water as time to time the wheels of the passing cars ride over the puddles, little black holes collecting the tears of the giant clouds. This is the time for cuddling, taking my righteous place on the bed, or the sofa, finding a soft blanket, curl up underneath, and listen...listen to the silence, the monotone, yet calming music of the little raindrops hitting the roofs of the parking cars, and the ground...I just love to watch the window, how its transparent glass is getting foggy, as the cold air of the outside meets the warmth of my breath...the glass serves as a border, an unbreakable barrier separating the two worlds...The cool breeze of the outside wants to touch the soft hands of the timid warmth I exhale, but the glass will always be there..between them..it is a solid manifestation of the limits both sides can reach to, preventing them to be able to melt into each other...and as a result, new creatures are formed, tiny little watermolecules are formed on its surface...I could have gazed at the apparition for hours, but I had an invitation to the movie theater tonight, so unwillingly I got up and started to put some clothes on.
The tram was rather empty, it was raining, and being a Sunday, most of the people have found shelter in the protective hands of their comfortable homes. As I was sitting there, ready to listen to some music on my MP3 player, a man approached me, and offered his newspaper (Homeless)..I took some money out of my pocket, and handed it to him, did not intend to take his paper, but he insisted. I started to read it, and there was the story of the little seed in it...I thought, this time rather applicable to me. The story described the life of the little seed, how it is there, under the ground, surrounded by the protective shells, in security...and yet the little seeds chooses to leave this safe environment behind, decides to take a risk, and plunge into the unknown..as it starts its journey away from its safe shelter, the hardships appear...when she is not a seed any more, she needs to face the difficulties of life, she becomes weak and vulnerable...she needs to fight the rough soil. She might think..why all this misery, I do not even know where I am going...if there will at all be joy and beauty at the end of this road paved by suffering...she could have just stayed in the protective shells for another thousand years, where nothing was threatening her..but instead she took the risk...then the little seed gets a glimpse of the sunshine, and pulls all her strength to work her ways towards it. Finally she becomes a beautiful flower giving joy to everyone and everything around her. The adventure she took was worthwhile, she developed to be the true beauty that was all the time hidden deep within her...it was a catching story, and I was a bit puzzled, as it seemed a bit contradictory to me that it was published there, in the paper of the Homeless people...
The movie was great, I enjoyed it, filled with special elements, and entertaining effects. As I exited the cinema, I realized that it is still raining, and I had no umbrella...yet I had the taste to walk home. I could have just taken the tram, but I needed to walk..I needed to discover the secrets of this rainy night. As I walked on the streets, the rain was getting harder and harder...soon my hair got completely wet, and I could feel the raindrops rolling down my face, as if they were my own tears...my shoes got wet too, as I walked into several puddles along the way. I stopped or a while, to take a look at the spectacular view of the city, the Danube below my feet was rather reckless and dreadful, the bridges were shining, but they seemed to be further than usual in the dim light. I met no people on the way home, the streets were deserted, and I took joy in pausing by the streetlamps, because in their light, the thickness of the rain became more visible. It might have seemed silly to anyone looking down on me from behind the windows..walking, enjoying the rain...but I did not mind...I wanted to get wet, I felt like with the rain, all my guilt, sorrow, and fear is washed away...my soul started to lift its broken wings, I could feel the contentment running through my veins....I was purified....
Sunday, 24 July 2011
Saturday, 23 July 2011
The truth lies within the soul
This weekend, we were supposed to go to lake Balaton with the boys. We prepared, planned to meet at 6 AM today, get in the car, drive down the lake, set up the tent, hike a bit, then swim a bit...and finally have some "beer drinking contest" which I was sure to win against the boys..but...again, the Universe intervened, it started to rain, the weather cooled down, and we agreed not to go...Instead we went out for a beer and pizza last night, then had a walk from Raday street to the Chain bridge..It was a lovely evening, tourists have been buzzing around everywhere like bees in a fragranted spring garden..At the bridge we sat down, and had a magnificent view on the river, and the castle...A guy was playing on empty winebottles, and my guys were telling jokes...I was laughing, but time to time became silent, as I sat there, and watched the place, where I lied once on a hot summer afternoon, eating fresh strawberries and grapes...It was a fine afternoon then, and much time has passed, many things happened, but this memory stayed clear in my head...I remember watching the blue sky, and feeling the touch of the lips of a fine fellow on my forehead as he kissed it...Strange it is...I forget so many things..things I did not want to forget...but then..there are several memories I wished to get rid of (for my own good) and I am unable..they stick to me, they keep on coming back to me, and in fact sweeten my life...
The guys talked about Budapest, then compared it to Prague..ehmm...a topic I did not want to raise, but still it appeared...out of the blue...and as they were talking about the differences between the 2 cities...I traveled back in time a bit again, and sunny, rainy, windy memories started to whirl in my head. Lately...I am not sure why, but I feel a strange attraction towards the city...and to the culture...and of course to the language...I try to understand it...if it is because I so much wanted to push away this "magnetic force" that is drawing me there, and yesterday evening, as I was sitting there I just shook away the chains, and set myself free so this magnetic force could finally complete its mission, and draw me completely.....or if it is because the more you fight against something the more it sticks to you...either way I had a great taste to be on the Charles bridge.....Then...again...now that it is summertime...I do not have much chance to practice the czech language, but just when I thought of taking my Krtko books, a friend shared a website with me, where you can learn a language, and share essays and excersises with natives, who can help you learn. In return, you help them learn your language, so it is truly great...I took it as a sign, and registered, and hopefully the summer will not pass without any practice..
After the walk I came home..the flat was empty...and decided to sleep...as long as possible the next morning, as now, that our trip was cancelled, I have not much to do, and realized, again...it is time for me to stop a bit..have a relaxing weekend, just by myself...having the chance to care a bit for myself...look a bit deeper, and rest...However, the morning wakeup was not so pleasant as I expected. In fact the whole night sleep was not too relaxing...because...as lately it is happening more often, I had another strange dream...I was in Prague...went there to visit a person....I found his home, where he was living with his beloved, and it was very weird, because I was in the dream, and outside of it too...the outside me started to question the one in the dream, what she is doing there, she has no reason to be there...but the girl in the dream, did not want to listen...she just walked into the house...meeting the person, who was very cold with her, kept on covering things, so that she would not see them..because he did not want to hurt her...but as they walked into the house, she heard the voice of his beloved, and became numb...then!!! the outside me called out again, telling the girl in the dream to go away, and thank God she finally listened to her...she quickly put on her shoes and ran away...but..she was lost in the city of Prague, was not sure how to find her way back to Florence...it was then his sister, who helped her to get to the station....This ....this was a very disturbing experience, because I could have gone anywhere in my dreams...anywhere..but not to Prague...and..the girl in the dream did exactly the opposite of what I would be doing in real life...she behaved as if there was a spell put on her...she was following a different path as to what I'd be following in reality...then...again...I woke up, and saw that it is raining, and I decided to stay in bed and pray...I told God that I am confused...I told Him, that I know that He is teaching me how to be patient in this period of my life...especially because this is an area, where I truly need to develop...but...I cannot understand...I thought this all was over, the cornerstone was passed, when one day I came home, and had the feeling, uprising from the depths of my heart...on that memorable evening I sat down and felt that nothing is more important for me but to know that my loved ones are happy, and content...I felt and told God that I'd sacrifice everything for their happiness...and this was especially true for one person (a person who was very very close to me for a fraction of my life) ...it was a very strange discovery for me...because normally I would have had to feel some anger and sadness towards the person, but on that evening I started to smile as I visioned him being where he belongs, with the person to whom he belongs...I prayed, and asked God for a lot of blessing on his life, I prayed that He takes good care of him, and gives him all the presents of life because he deserves it, I told God He can ask anything from me in return for giving him happiness and joy.....this feeling set me free, and I thought after that, all I need is a bit more time, and I shall be finding my balance again....but then...there are the nights and dreams...and that is an area...where I cannot be in control...so of course, that is the best testing ground....so I woke up, and asked God in confusion, why He does not have some mercy on me...why He thinks I need more tests..how come I have not yet learned the lesson of patience...then I thought a bit more...counted all the blessings He gave me in this life (my family, the friends, a place where I can live, a job, a nice city, the possibilty of traveling to magical places) and I felt ashamed...He has given, and is still giving me so much...providing me so much source of joy...overcoming this obstacle of not uderstanding why I cannot detach myself from the past is really nothing compared to the gifts I got from Him...Maybe...one day...if I am patient enough :) I shall understand...and I shall even be thankful for this year...for this period in my life...In fact come to think of it I am already thankful! I have changed much, I am not so stiff any more...I do not look on people doing "not average" things as crazy...I do not mind about other people's opinion so much any more...I do not stress, I do not let myself be swallowed by the work... I am OK with talking to strangers....I am trying to say "yes" to more and more things, I am taking part in more and more adventures, I do not spend my time going to second hand shops, or sleeping, but I am walking when I have the taste, I am meeting friends when I feel like it, I am eating if I am hungry...I am writing when I think some thoughts need to be put on paper...I feel like I have been a big fatty worm in the past year, and now slowly, and with difficulties, but the butterfly of my soul is ready to fly away....I am doing things I thought I wouldn't do...the colours started to come back to my life finally, and if I manage to step over regret, I should be experiencing contentment....as a proof :) I am even preparing for another milestone tonight! Since last fall, I did not touch the puzzle (2000pieces) I bought then, because it served as a taboo...it reminded me of the time when I had a helping hand in putting together the picture...but tonight...I need to overcome this obstacle as well, I shall sit down...and start working on fitting the little pieces next to each other...by myself...step by step...while listening to some good music :)
After this morning "seans" I went to the railway station, where I met my sister and her family. The little ones were to go to Sopron for vacation :) and they had a couple hours to spare..So we talked, laughed, and enjoyed each other's company...these kids...are soooooooooooo beautiful...Kami princess and cunning Jona. They have grown much, Kami is going to school from September...we walked a bit hand in hand, and it filled me with so much joy to be with them for a while...When their "hosts" have arrived, we took them to the train, then said goodbye..waved, and left. Hmmm...goodbyes I see are not always hard...this was a goodbye too, but I know we will see each other next weekend as well, so it was not so heart tearing as the last one I participated in.
As I was coming back to the flat...I realized...the soul/heart knows it all...the sad thing is...it is difficult to listen to it...what it is whispering to us...but I am making progress and try to pay as much attention as possible...It told me...I should not feel sad about the fact that this weekend I'll be on my own...alone... and I should not feel bad regarding my morning confusion, my doubts, and questions...because I know ...there...deep down..what it takes to found the fountain of joy. I know exactly what gives me pleasure...I know I just need nature, the stars, the moon and sun, the velvety sky, the meadows, the mountain tops, the harmony of music to fullfill me...and that...however strange it might sound can be discovered in the middle of the city as well...if..we take the effort and listen carefully!
The guys talked about Budapest, then compared it to Prague..ehmm...a topic I did not want to raise, but still it appeared...out of the blue...and as they were talking about the differences between the 2 cities...I traveled back in time a bit again, and sunny, rainy, windy memories started to whirl in my head. Lately...I am not sure why, but I feel a strange attraction towards the city...and to the culture...and of course to the language...I try to understand it...if it is because I so much wanted to push away this "magnetic force" that is drawing me there, and yesterday evening, as I was sitting there I just shook away the chains, and set myself free so this magnetic force could finally complete its mission, and draw me completely.....or if it is because the more you fight against something the more it sticks to you...either way I had a great taste to be on the Charles bridge.....Then...again...now that it is summertime...I do not have much chance to practice the czech language, but just when I thought of taking my Krtko books, a friend shared a website with me, where you can learn a language, and share essays and excersises with natives, who can help you learn. In return, you help them learn your language, so it is truly great...I took it as a sign, and registered, and hopefully the summer will not pass without any practice..
After the walk I came home..the flat was empty...and decided to sleep...as long as possible the next morning, as now, that our trip was cancelled, I have not much to do, and realized, again...it is time for me to stop a bit..have a relaxing weekend, just by myself...having the chance to care a bit for myself...look a bit deeper, and rest...However, the morning wakeup was not so pleasant as I expected. In fact the whole night sleep was not too relaxing...because...as lately it is happening more often, I had another strange dream...I was in Prague...went there to visit a person....I found his home, where he was living with his beloved, and it was very weird, because I was in the dream, and outside of it too...the outside me started to question the one in the dream, what she is doing there, she has no reason to be there...but the girl in the dream, did not want to listen...she just walked into the house...meeting the person, who was very cold with her, kept on covering things, so that she would not see them..because he did not want to hurt her...but as they walked into the house, she heard the voice of his beloved, and became numb...then!!! the outside me called out again, telling the girl in the dream to go away, and thank God she finally listened to her...she quickly put on her shoes and ran away...but..she was lost in the city of Prague, was not sure how to find her way back to Florence...it was then his sister, who helped her to get to the station....This ....this was a very disturbing experience, because I could have gone anywhere in my dreams...anywhere..but not to Prague...and..the girl in the dream did exactly the opposite of what I would be doing in real life...she behaved as if there was a spell put on her...she was following a different path as to what I'd be following in reality...then...again...I woke up, and saw that it is raining, and I decided to stay in bed and pray...I told God that I am confused...I told Him, that I know that He is teaching me how to be patient in this period of my life...especially because this is an area, where I truly need to develop...but...I cannot understand...I thought this all was over, the cornerstone was passed, when one day I came home, and had the feeling, uprising from the depths of my heart...on that memorable evening I sat down and felt that nothing is more important for me but to know that my loved ones are happy, and content...I felt and told God that I'd sacrifice everything for their happiness...and this was especially true for one person (a person who was very very close to me for a fraction of my life) ...it was a very strange discovery for me...because normally I would have had to feel some anger and sadness towards the person, but on that evening I started to smile as I visioned him being where he belongs, with the person to whom he belongs...I prayed, and asked God for a lot of blessing on his life, I prayed that He takes good care of him, and gives him all the presents of life because he deserves it, I told God He can ask anything from me in return for giving him happiness and joy.....this feeling set me free, and I thought after that, all I need is a bit more time, and I shall be finding my balance again....but then...there are the nights and dreams...and that is an area...where I cannot be in control...so of course, that is the best testing ground....so I woke up, and asked God in confusion, why He does not have some mercy on me...why He thinks I need more tests..how come I have not yet learned the lesson of patience...then I thought a bit more...counted all the blessings He gave me in this life (my family, the friends, a place where I can live, a job, a nice city, the possibilty of traveling to magical places) and I felt ashamed...He has given, and is still giving me so much...providing me so much source of joy...overcoming this obstacle of not uderstanding why I cannot detach myself from the past is really nothing compared to the gifts I got from Him...Maybe...one day...if I am patient enough :) I shall understand...and I shall even be thankful for this year...for this period in my life...In fact come to think of it I am already thankful! I have changed much, I am not so stiff any more...I do not look on people doing "not average" things as crazy...I do not mind about other people's opinion so much any more...I do not stress, I do not let myself be swallowed by the work... I am OK with talking to strangers....I am trying to say "yes" to more and more things, I am taking part in more and more adventures, I do not spend my time going to second hand shops, or sleeping, but I am walking when I have the taste, I am meeting friends when I feel like it, I am eating if I am hungry...I am writing when I think some thoughts need to be put on paper...I feel like I have been a big fatty worm in the past year, and now slowly, and with difficulties, but the butterfly of my soul is ready to fly away....I am doing things I thought I wouldn't do...the colours started to come back to my life finally, and if I manage to step over regret, I should be experiencing contentment....as a proof :) I am even preparing for another milestone tonight! Since last fall, I did not touch the puzzle (2000pieces) I bought then, because it served as a taboo...it reminded me of the time when I had a helping hand in putting together the picture...but tonight...I need to overcome this obstacle as well, I shall sit down...and start working on fitting the little pieces next to each other...by myself...step by step...while listening to some good music :)
After this morning "seans" I went to the railway station, where I met my sister and her family. The little ones were to go to Sopron for vacation :) and they had a couple hours to spare..So we talked, laughed, and enjoyed each other's company...these kids...are soooooooooooo beautiful...Kami princess and cunning Jona. They have grown much, Kami is going to school from September...we walked a bit hand in hand, and it filled me with so much joy to be with them for a while...When their "hosts" have arrived, we took them to the train, then said goodbye..waved, and left. Hmmm...goodbyes I see are not always hard...this was a goodbye too, but I know we will see each other next weekend as well, so it was not so heart tearing as the last one I participated in.
As I was coming back to the flat...I realized...the soul/heart knows it all...the sad thing is...it is difficult to listen to it...what it is whispering to us...but I am making progress and try to pay as much attention as possible...It told me...I should not feel sad about the fact that this weekend I'll be on my own...alone... and I should not feel bad regarding my morning confusion, my doubts, and questions...because I know ...there...deep down..what it takes to found the fountain of joy. I know exactly what gives me pleasure...I know I just need nature, the stars, the moon and sun, the velvety sky, the meadows, the mountain tops, the harmony of music to fullfill me...and that...however strange it might sound can be discovered in the middle of the city as well...if..we take the effort and listen carefully!
Wednesday, 20 July 2011
Some days are hard to start...
It is rather unusual that it is 10:21 in the morning, and I am at home...sitting, thinking, waiting...Outside there is a thunderstorm, I can hear the even drops hitting the roofs of the houses and cars..I feel melancholic..would like to drink a cup of tea, and just gaze at the rain...but the problem is, if I do that, the memories rush at me...and in the past couple of months I've been engaged in getting so many new experiences as possible...just to eliminate the memories overtaking my mind and heart...but on days like this, when it is grey, and a multitude of umbrellas cover the streets I cannot help it...I travel back to the past, cuddle on my bed, and I am lost in thoughts...
Maybe it was needed.....I have been trying to keep myself as busy as possible, just to prevent spending time with myself...but I could not escape it..the Universe decided to intervene...to force me to sit down and look inside me...Last night I had a strange dream...I've met a person I knew once, and we tried to talk..like friends...he asked me if I am OK now...if I have accepted the path fate put me on...his eyes were filled with sadness, it seemed like he is doing the things not because of His own will, but as if he was obiding a greater force, yet unknown to him..I wanted to hug him, and wanted to ask, if that is really what his heart desires, but I did not get the chance...because he vanished...and I was left there at a place not secure..from where I needed to run away...then..I never found him again. After the dream I woke up, heard the raindrops, and was unable to get back to sleep again...the feelings, thoughts and experiences originating from the dream whirled in my head, and I started to feel sick...out of balance...lately I have been trying to be so strong, gaining control, and toughening up...but a dream like this just pushes me off track, and I feel weak, and confused. Then..an hour passed and I decided to have breakfast, drink my coffee while listening to Puccini: Che Gelida Manina, and in the meanwhile watching the pouring rain....I was about to leave, when I realized, that today is the day when my chimney needs to get controlled...great...my flatmates are not at home, I should get to the office too, but as it is a legal obligation to have the chimney controlled, I had no option but to call my boss and tell him, I'm going to be late today...and that is where I am now...sitting waiting..thinking...writing... It is half past 10 already, and I might need to sit here another hour...in the best case...but everything happens for a reason...I am thinking it is a wicked trick of God to let everything coincide this way, as to make me sit down for a while, and look at my life from a different perspective...a bit from outside...threw somebody else's eyes...
Time flies by...people come and go in our lives...we work...most of us do it to enable us achieving a kind of "standard of living"...flat, car..a place and financial background to give us security, and chance to raise a family...some of us work...time to time I feel like that too...to earn money that I can spend on things I like to do...buying a high quality camera..traveling to fascinating places..especially mountains and forest in Europe..but still I feel like it is temporary...still I feel like this is not the major goal...of course I learn and learned many things throughout these journeys, about my limitations, about my perseverance, physical barriers and so on....I met new people, new attitudes, visions, opinions...my perspective on things hand in hand with my horizon has widened...but on a rainy day like this...I still feel lonely...and too dreamy for this world I belong. I still feel like I am in the beginning of my search for gold, but yet I have the suspicion, that the gold is hidden somewhere very near to me..but stupid me...I am unable to find it...I make myself believe it is probably very complicated to get near to it, and cannot manage to discover the simple ways. I cannot get rid of the guilt I feel for the mistakes I have made...there are moments when I am able to be thankful for them, as it is the mistakes, and huge slaps in the face that teach me the most important things, and give me the worthiest lessons of life...but on a rainy day like this, I sank into apathy, sadness, and drive a bloody battle against my soul...torturing my heart with the knifes of regret...I know..it is a war where some battles can be lost, but the important thing is to focus on enduring, taking time to relax, collect strength and win at the end. I know that my trust, and ability to open up, and love is at risk...I know I've built a wall around myself...I know that when it's raining I need to rush inside my castle, and close the doors to prevent the water coming in...I know it is the time when my eyes are set on the far away mountain tops surrounding the castle...I know that days like this are needed...to remind me to take my time, and instead of pushing away not pleasant feelings and thoughts from me..I'd better face them, and take peace with them...for a while at least...until the sun becomes visible on the horizon again...
Maybe it was needed.....I have been trying to keep myself as busy as possible, just to prevent spending time with myself...but I could not escape it..the Universe decided to intervene...to force me to sit down and look inside me...Last night I had a strange dream...I've met a person I knew once, and we tried to talk..like friends...he asked me if I am OK now...if I have accepted the path fate put me on...his eyes were filled with sadness, it seemed like he is doing the things not because of His own will, but as if he was obiding a greater force, yet unknown to him..I wanted to hug him, and wanted to ask, if that is really what his heart desires, but I did not get the chance...because he vanished...and I was left there at a place not secure..from where I needed to run away...then..I never found him again. After the dream I woke up, heard the raindrops, and was unable to get back to sleep again...the feelings, thoughts and experiences originating from the dream whirled in my head, and I started to feel sick...out of balance...lately I have been trying to be so strong, gaining control, and toughening up...but a dream like this just pushes me off track, and I feel weak, and confused. Then..an hour passed and I decided to have breakfast, drink my coffee while listening to Puccini: Che Gelida Manina, and in the meanwhile watching the pouring rain....I was about to leave, when I realized, that today is the day when my chimney needs to get controlled...great...my flatmates are not at home, I should get to the office too, but as it is a legal obligation to have the chimney controlled, I had no option but to call my boss and tell him, I'm going to be late today...and that is where I am now...sitting waiting..thinking...writing... It is half past 10 already, and I might need to sit here another hour...in the best case...but everything happens for a reason...I am thinking it is a wicked trick of God to let everything coincide this way, as to make me sit down for a while, and look at my life from a different perspective...a bit from outside...threw somebody else's eyes...
Time flies by...people come and go in our lives...we work...most of us do it to enable us achieving a kind of "standard of living"...flat, car..a place and financial background to give us security, and chance to raise a family...some of us work...time to time I feel like that too...to earn money that I can spend on things I like to do...buying a high quality camera..traveling to fascinating places..especially mountains and forest in Europe..but still I feel like it is temporary...still I feel like this is not the major goal...of course I learn and learned many things throughout these journeys, about my limitations, about my perseverance, physical barriers and so on....I met new people, new attitudes, visions, opinions...my perspective on things hand in hand with my horizon has widened...but on a rainy day like this...I still feel lonely...and too dreamy for this world I belong. I still feel like I am in the beginning of my search for gold, but yet I have the suspicion, that the gold is hidden somewhere very near to me..but stupid me...I am unable to find it...I make myself believe it is probably very complicated to get near to it, and cannot manage to discover the simple ways. I cannot get rid of the guilt I feel for the mistakes I have made...there are moments when I am able to be thankful for them, as it is the mistakes, and huge slaps in the face that teach me the most important things, and give me the worthiest lessons of life...but on a rainy day like this, I sank into apathy, sadness, and drive a bloody battle against my soul...torturing my heart with the knifes of regret...I know..it is a war where some battles can be lost, but the important thing is to focus on enduring, taking time to relax, collect strength and win at the end. I know that my trust, and ability to open up, and love is at risk...I know I've built a wall around myself...I know that when it's raining I need to rush inside my castle, and close the doors to prevent the water coming in...I know it is the time when my eyes are set on the far away mountain tops surrounding the castle...I know that days like this are needed...to remind me to take my time, and instead of pushing away not pleasant feelings and thoughts from me..I'd better face them, and take peace with them...for a while at least...until the sun becomes visible on the horizon again...
Monday, 18 July 2011
Triglav moje mila
Last week I got some critique from my most faithful reader, as we went for a stroll on the Kopaszi gat (a nice grassy, fresh place near my home). My Norita told me that she has been checking my blog every day, and recognized, that I am not quite diligent in following my starting promise, that was to write about my sources of joy I experience during the year...she might have though I am out of sources, or I'm lazy :) Well she was not far away from the truth..I really was lazy... After the office, a program was always offered, one day a beer with a friend on the bank of the river, the other day a chat with another friend, and invitation to the third etc. All in all, every day I got home after midnight, and I did not feel like turning on my computer...as it was 40 degrees lately in the city I was just longing for a nice shower, and then the bed.
This weekend however, I took part in such an adventure that has to be remembered of. On Friday afternoon I left the office early, grabbed my backpack and headed down to the street, where a car and 4 people were waiting for me already. We sorted the things out, introduced ourselves to each other, and headed to Slovenia. The road took about 7 hours, with a few stops, and it was already quite late when we arrived to a house outside of Mojstrana, where we hoped to get a good night rest to be able to conquer the mighty heights of the Triglav mountain. The parking lot was hidden deep in the forest, surrounded by pinetrees, that towered above us like giants. We got out of the car, and it felt to be able to stretch a bit. There were no lights, though we had to find our way on the small forest road to the house. The air was fresh and cool, the sky was cloudy, but still something could be seen, as that night there was a fullmoon. With the help of the headlights of our companions we managed to get on the right track and walked towards the house. I wished to stay there longer...in the darkness, stillness, just to let myself be completely amazed, and overtaken by the beauty, and mystic atmosphere, but I had to follow my little group, as we were already afraid that we might not get a bed. After sorting the accomodation out, the others went to sleep right away, - the room where we slept was already full, and we did our best to get to bed as quickly as possible not to disturb their sleep - but I sneaked out and went down on the squeeking stairs, opened the door, and stood in front of our wooden house for a while. I could hardly see, I stared into the darkness, trying to make out any sort of movement coming from the depths of the forests nearby...doing my best to melt into that strange, closed world full of secrets. I inhaled uncertainty coming from my inability to see, I was a bit scared, yet curious...and amazed, by the purity of nature...by the stillness, by its mightyness.
The next morning I woke up at 5 and heard the raindrops on the roof. One by one they rushed down from the sky making a nice rhythmical dance. If I was in my bed, I would have been so thankful for that sound, but today it made me worried as I was afraid, that we might need to postpone our trip. We had a quick breakfast, met other very stubborn and determined people, who were there that day for the same reason..to reach out for the top. We all know, that the way up there is going to be hard, that we will have doubts, that there will be a point when we will truly think, that we cannot make, and we should go back...but deep down, all of us knew that it is a sort of test too..and we must not retreat. We started our journey, as the rain seemed to halt, and threw ourselves deep into the woods. At first we had the energy to look around, and explore beauty in the flora and fauna of the place, but after the 3rd steeper hill, our attention started to lessen, and we played only for survival. The road up to the mountain started with a nice path in the forest...then slowly the path started to turn rocky..but still we could see the trees around us...then the whole area wrapped itself into a thick fog, so that soon we lost track of each other, and were hardly able to see further than the top of our nose. Our group broke up..some walked faster, some slower..some were tempted to go back, and give it up, some were sure to make it, no matter what. I managed to keep the girls encouraged, and tried to motivate them by walking in front of them...so that they could see me doing it, and it would give them strength to hold on. There was a point though where they needed to take a longer break, and we separated. For a while I was walking by myself..and talked to the mountain..I realized that we have some similarities, I felt like I understand her...her strict and steep hills, here unreachable heights, her attitude of not giving it easy..her isolation, and coldness..her embracing arms, her variety of forest, and lunatic rocky hills....I felt like I found a friend in the mountain...I could hear her heart beating from far...I knew she wants me to be there, I could feel our energies exchange..that was the moment when I leaned over and kissed a mossy cliff that crossed my path..I had to do it...I felt the urge...I loved this mountain...though it gave me a hard time, tested my endurance, and pulled a pile of obstacles my way...I loved her..because I knew if I was worthy of it, and passed the test, my reward would be of unspeakable treasure..the view from its top.
That day we, completely exhausted we got to 2500 meters, to a refuge house, called Triglavski dom. The house stood there lonely in the middle of nowhere, withholding the grim weather conditions, looking on the peaks of the Triglav mountain. We entered, got a room, and rushed down to the "restaurant". We ordered a soup (jota z mesom) and finished the fulfilling food in a minute. The soup was followed by a beer and some water. Inside it was nice and cozy, the fire was burning in the huge fireplace, clothes were drying by its side. Every other minute another conquerer would enter, and soon the little place was packed with adventurers. They also drank some, and their humours started to elevate..a harmonica was found, a guy started to play, others started to sing and dance. The afternoon was spent by the celebration of our success, joy and contentment. Also it was a preparation for the next day, when the last, but hardest bit of the journey had to be completed..the conquer the top, that was 2867 meters. There it was not possible to walk, we had to climb.
The night gave us enough rest, I was gazing at the starry sky from my window for quite a while still, as the others were sleeping..there were no clouds, and I had the clearest, and closest vision on Ursa Major so far. He winked in through the glass of my window, and after being enchanted by its beauty I sank into the sweet dreamworld, from where I was pulled back quickly though as 2 drunk guys started to sing in front of our door. I opened the door, and warned them to be silent, but it was too late, it took me another hour to be able to sleep.
In the morning, I was ready..in mind and soul to conquer the top..I had doubts about my physical barriers (hoped my legs will not shake and I will not be afraid of the height) but I quickly overcame them, and made my way towards the signs. The girsl decided to stay in the house. They way up was not the easiest, a very srong and icy wind was blowing, the stones became slippery and it was difficult to find a grip on them. But I pictured a spider, and stretched my hands and legs in a way, that they would enable me to adhere to the walls of the cliffs. The people around me had proper equipments, ropes, helmets, warm coat and hat....I had nothing..a pair of light pants, and a jacket...some were even staring at me..might have been a bit cautious about me making it to the top, but I was confident...I set my mind on it, I had to go...I had to do it..and where's a will, there's a way. I made progress, and even passed some guys who seemed to be slower in spite of all their equipments. The vision from the top...was...breathtaking...there are no words to describe it...that is why I made some pictures, but even those are just a weak copy of what awaited us up there. My hands were freezing, my hair got wet from the cloud that wished to swallow the mountain top, the wind did not stop to blow, but it was a feeling of completion to be able to be there look around, open my arms and think: "here I am...and that is what counts". The level of adrenaline increased in me...I could not help but to smile, the guys around were nodding in acceptance, of passing the test, and I was the happiest person.
My joy lasted all the way as I walked down to the refuge house, picked up the girls, and headed back to the car. As that day we had a clear sky, we could see it all, what we missed the previous day due to the fog, mist and clouds. God was merciful to us. After arriving back to the parking lot, we headed home, but took a small bypass, and visited the marvelous town of Bled. We walked around the lake, gazed at the little island with the church on it in the middle, and the castle built on top of the cliff above the lake.
By midnight, I was back in Budapest, and my body feeling tiresome, pleading for some rest, but my heart pounding, and filled with contentment, thankfulness and joy, that I was given the chance of seeing so much beauty in just a weekend.
This weekend however, I took part in such an adventure that has to be remembered of. On Friday afternoon I left the office early, grabbed my backpack and headed down to the street, where a car and 4 people were waiting for me already. We sorted the things out, introduced ourselves to each other, and headed to Slovenia. The road took about 7 hours, with a few stops, and it was already quite late when we arrived to a house outside of Mojstrana, where we hoped to get a good night rest to be able to conquer the mighty heights of the Triglav mountain. The parking lot was hidden deep in the forest, surrounded by pinetrees, that towered above us like giants. We got out of the car, and it felt to be able to stretch a bit. There were no lights, though we had to find our way on the small forest road to the house. The air was fresh and cool, the sky was cloudy, but still something could be seen, as that night there was a fullmoon. With the help of the headlights of our companions we managed to get on the right track and walked towards the house. I wished to stay there longer...in the darkness, stillness, just to let myself be completely amazed, and overtaken by the beauty, and mystic atmosphere, but I had to follow my little group, as we were already afraid that we might not get a bed. After sorting the accomodation out, the others went to sleep right away, - the room where we slept was already full, and we did our best to get to bed as quickly as possible not to disturb their sleep - but I sneaked out and went down on the squeeking stairs, opened the door, and stood in front of our wooden house for a while. I could hardly see, I stared into the darkness, trying to make out any sort of movement coming from the depths of the forests nearby...doing my best to melt into that strange, closed world full of secrets. I inhaled uncertainty coming from my inability to see, I was a bit scared, yet curious...and amazed, by the purity of nature...by the stillness, by its mightyness.
The next morning I woke up at 5 and heard the raindrops on the roof. One by one they rushed down from the sky making a nice rhythmical dance. If I was in my bed, I would have been so thankful for that sound, but today it made me worried as I was afraid, that we might need to postpone our trip. We had a quick breakfast, met other very stubborn and determined people, who were there that day for the same reason..to reach out for the top. We all know, that the way up there is going to be hard, that we will have doubts, that there will be a point when we will truly think, that we cannot make, and we should go back...but deep down, all of us knew that it is a sort of test too..and we must not retreat. We started our journey, as the rain seemed to halt, and threw ourselves deep into the woods. At first we had the energy to look around, and explore beauty in the flora and fauna of the place, but after the 3rd steeper hill, our attention started to lessen, and we played only for survival. The road up to the mountain started with a nice path in the forest...then slowly the path started to turn rocky..but still we could see the trees around us...then the whole area wrapped itself into a thick fog, so that soon we lost track of each other, and were hardly able to see further than the top of our nose. Our group broke up..some walked faster, some slower..some were tempted to go back, and give it up, some were sure to make it, no matter what. I managed to keep the girls encouraged, and tried to motivate them by walking in front of them...so that they could see me doing it, and it would give them strength to hold on. There was a point though where they needed to take a longer break, and we separated. For a while I was walking by myself..and talked to the mountain..I realized that we have some similarities, I felt like I understand her...her strict and steep hills, here unreachable heights, her attitude of not giving it easy..her isolation, and coldness..her embracing arms, her variety of forest, and lunatic rocky hills....I felt like I found a friend in the mountain...I could hear her heart beating from far...I knew she wants me to be there, I could feel our energies exchange..that was the moment when I leaned over and kissed a mossy cliff that crossed my path..I had to do it...I felt the urge...I loved this mountain...though it gave me a hard time, tested my endurance, and pulled a pile of obstacles my way...I loved her..because I knew if I was worthy of it, and passed the test, my reward would be of unspeakable treasure..the view from its top.
That day we, completely exhausted we got to 2500 meters, to a refuge house, called Triglavski dom. The house stood there lonely in the middle of nowhere, withholding the grim weather conditions, looking on the peaks of the Triglav mountain. We entered, got a room, and rushed down to the "restaurant". We ordered a soup (jota z mesom) and finished the fulfilling food in a minute. The soup was followed by a beer and some water. Inside it was nice and cozy, the fire was burning in the huge fireplace, clothes were drying by its side. Every other minute another conquerer would enter, and soon the little place was packed with adventurers. They also drank some, and their humours started to elevate..a harmonica was found, a guy started to play, others started to sing and dance. The afternoon was spent by the celebration of our success, joy and contentment. Also it was a preparation for the next day, when the last, but hardest bit of the journey had to be completed..the conquer the top, that was 2867 meters. There it was not possible to walk, we had to climb.
The night gave us enough rest, I was gazing at the starry sky from my window for quite a while still, as the others were sleeping..there were no clouds, and I had the clearest, and closest vision on Ursa Major so far. He winked in through the glass of my window, and after being enchanted by its beauty I sank into the sweet dreamworld, from where I was pulled back quickly though as 2 drunk guys started to sing in front of our door. I opened the door, and warned them to be silent, but it was too late, it took me another hour to be able to sleep.
In the morning, I was ready..in mind and soul to conquer the top..I had doubts about my physical barriers (hoped my legs will not shake and I will not be afraid of the height) but I quickly overcame them, and made my way towards the signs. The girsl decided to stay in the house. They way up was not the easiest, a very srong and icy wind was blowing, the stones became slippery and it was difficult to find a grip on them. But I pictured a spider, and stretched my hands and legs in a way, that they would enable me to adhere to the walls of the cliffs. The people around me had proper equipments, ropes, helmets, warm coat and hat....I had nothing..a pair of light pants, and a jacket...some were even staring at me..might have been a bit cautious about me making it to the top, but I was confident...I set my mind on it, I had to go...I had to do it..and where's a will, there's a way. I made progress, and even passed some guys who seemed to be slower in spite of all their equipments. The vision from the top...was...breathtaking...there are no words to describe it...that is why I made some pictures, but even those are just a weak copy of what awaited us up there. My hands were freezing, my hair got wet from the cloud that wished to swallow the mountain top, the wind did not stop to blow, but it was a feeling of completion to be able to be there look around, open my arms and think: "here I am...and that is what counts". The level of adrenaline increased in me...I could not help but to smile, the guys around were nodding in acceptance, of passing the test, and I was the happiest person.
My joy lasted all the way as I walked down to the refuge house, picked up the girls, and headed back to the car. As that day we had a clear sky, we could see it all, what we missed the previous day due to the fog, mist and clouds. God was merciful to us. After arriving back to the parking lot, we headed home, but took a small bypass, and visited the marvelous town of Bled. We walked around the lake, gazed at the little island with the church on it in the middle, and the castle built on top of the cliff above the lake.
By midnight, I was back in Budapest, and my body feeling tiresome, pleading for some rest, but my heart pounding, and filled with contentment, thankfulness and joy, that I was given the chance of seeing so much beauty in just a weekend.
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