Monday is not my favourite day to start with...another week, work, computers, office, tasks, emails, calls...another day of determining to change it all, another reassurance of being completely trapped in a rat race, without any exit signs..It was raining as I headed to the office, and for an hour or so, I could not really push myself to work, instead I gazed at the rushingly passing grey clouds from the window. The day actually went quicker than I expected, as the issues started to pop up like mushrooms in the autum forest after a good rain, and I found myself being so much absorbed, I forgot to notice the passing of time. It was 7 pm, when I finally grabbed my things and left. This time, I did not walk all the way home, I got on the subway, then got off at station from where it's still a good 30 minutes to arrive home, if one decides to walk. And I decided to walk...impossibly enough, today was a really warm day for a winter! As my legs obediently carried me towards my flat, I let my coat be unbuttoned, to serve as a meaningful invitation for the mild evening breeze, encouraging him to exhale a kiss on every square millimeter of my body. It felt so fascinating, so refreshing! Standing there in the wind, battling with the breeze wishing to undress me, while the back of my black coat floated behind me, despairingly clinging to me. I believe some people shot a strange look towards my direction, as they noticed my uncovered neck, and satisfied smile.
Upon arriving home, my first thing was to prepare a tea for myself, which I drank while surfing a bit on internet. And then I started to feel some tension in my muscles...there was nothing interesting to read, and in fact I grew tired of looking at the screen, so for a while I just sat, and several thoughts crossed my mind. I felt the urge of giving some workout for my body. Lately I've spent some time looking for some courses, which would be at a fitful time, and would serve as a stress dissolver after work, aaaand first I was thinking about some martial art, but then! It dawned on me...I needed to dance...it always helped me release the pain, to push up the level of adrenalin, and to fly me to my world of dreams.
I've got a favourite song..it feels like, every time I listen to it, as if it was written for me..the tunes, the melody has it all, all I'd want to say, but never could..it speaks from the bottom of my heart. It is the song called "Tango to Evora" and this time, I found a quicker, danceable version of it. I started to play it, and unwillingly, my body started to sway...I got up, turned the lights on, dressed down, to be more comfortable, and eliminate any obstacles for my body to move as it wishes, and started to dance. All the grief, the sorrow, the impatience and satisfaction disappeared, it got transformed to a renewed energy, that opened the gates of my imagination. I was not in my room any more...it was not me any more...the beast within me got released, and after being locked up, pushed behind for a while, it went crazy, and drifted me along with herself. I was there dancing on the cliff above the sea, while the wawes hit the rocks with a thundering roar....I was in the middle of the spring field, surrounded by thousands of flowers....I was dancing under the falling leaves in an autumn forest, as well as under the starry summer sky. My eyes gleamed with fire, and I felt the power enough to overtake the whole world if I wanted to. And then...I understood...lately I've been satisfying only a certain side of me...I have been too much of a conformist...complying with the laws, and normal expectations...but there's a side to me that dwells within the deep, and she is crazy...she's a witch, she doesn't mind if what she does shocks people, she loves the nature and defies habits, customs, or behavioural codexes. I've yet to learn how to handle this witch, how to set her free,hopefully the practice of dancing will serve the purpose, as when I'm dancing I'm the fire....but in all the rest I do, I feel myself more identical to water...2 elements...2 contraries..if I'm not careful, the water can extinguish all the fire, leaving nothing, but steam behind, that disappears in the thin air....
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