Valentine

I need to confess I almost forgot that today it's the celebration of love...though I had it in my mind, about a week ago, when I was doing my regular evening walk, and I stopped by the window of a shop, that was covered fully with little red hearts, and my attention was drawn to a little paper packet, which had the following written on it: "Love potion" and a short description, saying you should make a tea of it, if you'd like someone to fall in love with you :) if that was ever so easy :) but still I thought it was a really cute idea, and nice gift for someone who'd like to make connections stronger with his/her loved ones...so this little pack of tea reminded me that Valentine's day is coming, but I was not much bothered, as I did not really need to spend sleepless nights on how to suprise my soul mate, aaas I don't have one...except for Gyuszi of course (my sleeping partner, the kind bear) but he is very well aware of my affections towards him, so I was not so much urged to reassure him :)

I also need to confess, by today morning I -for the second time - forgot that it is Valentine's day!  Yet, I was reminded again, as the organizer of our project management training greeted us on the course by saying "Happy Valentine's Day"  now, what is ironic, she was probably the last person I would have guessed to wish me Happy Valentine's Day, as this was the first time I saw her :) But Fate's ways surely are hard to foresee, and always changing.  The day went on, we studied a lot, had coffee, polished our brain, and finished at 5PM, when I decided to take a walk, before our fancy dinner in a high quality restaurant.  Now surprise suprise, on my walk, I literally bumped into a friend, who was carrying a large bouquet of red roses to her boss :)  The surprise does not lie within the fact, that she was carrying a bunch of beautiful!!! flowers which I wanted to steal from her, but that in the past 2 weeks, I was constantly thinking about her..what's with her, how is she, and was planning to give her a call.  I was thinking about her so much, that finally I ran into her! So I can now prove that the "rule of attraction" is working :) The more you think about something, and the more you'd like something, soon it will manifest itself, and what you desire, but truly desire, will happen...because the Universe in a way realizes your need, and manages things in a way (ouu I'm brainwashed!) ..ok so back to myself, instead of the word "managing" I'll find out something else...so the Universe realizes your need, and weaves the net of future events in such a way, that your need/desire would be fulfilled!  After the meeting I started to think about it, and maybe even doubt a bit, accounting this meeting on "fortune" or something that just happened accidentally, but Fate did not give it up, half an hour later, I bumped into my second friend, whom also I wanted to see badly for the past month..so then I surrendered, and now I am convinced, that what you think, what you desire will come to you, but you need to believe in it.

Once we finished our really delicate dinner, I decided to walk home (took an hour) along the river Danube.  I took this opportunity, because I was full, and I needed some exercise to grant me the good sleep and also because the view of the lit up Budapest & the river with rushing ice pieces on it is just spectacular.  During my walk I was listening to music, closing out all additional noises, such as cars rushing by, people talking etc.  Again, I felt like I'm not even part of this world, but I'm an actress, playing in some movie that unknown people are watching.  It felt as if some "outsiders" who are watching the movie of my life understand fully the emotions arising in me, just by watching me walk smilingly alone, along the river..on a chilly February evening, on Valentine's day..in my checked coat, and blue hat...I passed through bridges, I marveled at the upside down world created by the water's surface, where the reflection images of churches and ornamented buildings have been trembling in the cold winter night...I passed through the tunnel underneath the Chain Bridge, this time it was not packed with homeless, it was only me walking there, in the blurry, raw horizon...I looked around, listened attentively to the echo the heels of my boots were making...there was a round wall around me, made of mosaic, and though it's a small tunnel, it felt like I'm in a labyrinth...taken out of the city for a fragment of a second, and dropped into another world...where there is noone, just an endless road to follow, but no companions, flowers or animals...just me, my steps echoing, and the curvy road, I started to feel lost, but finally I took courage and I kept going....as I exited the illusionary world, couples appeared, girls with flowers, proud, merry, holding on to their beloved's hands, chatting, laughing, hugging, filling the night with cheerful sounds, and pure, soft, yet pulsing love.....and it was really a heart warming experience.  Though I thought this day is not so special for me as it is for those who are in love, still in a way...this walk, these lights, the swimming ice pieces, the sound of my black boots hitting the ground made it special for me too. 

On my way I started to think what I was doing last year, at this time, and I remembered well, that on this very day, I was in Krakkow, shivering on a bench near the river, feeding the swans, envying the happy couples sitting next to me.  Ohh how desperate and depressed I was!  I was so much trying to be all right, but I could not help to see the whole world in black! I even wrote about my feelings, and experiences in this blog!  This...shocked me a bit..the fact that 1 year already passed...so many things happened, and yet I feel like as if it was just yesterday..those memories so vivid..those atmospheres, thoughts, struggles, so easy to invoke...it's almost mind blowing.  I surely did not think I'd be doing on this day a year later, what in fact I was doing.  But again, I guess this is the miracle & beauty of the future...you never know what might be coming..how things will change, how you will change...and today I saw the world in orange :) which is...almost red! :)

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone who has ever loved!