Yesterday evening, after a wonderful talk about life and such cardinal questions with my friend J. instead of going to bed right away, obiding to some uknown inner voice, I searched through my dvds and found one that I decided to watch. The movie is called: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. This movie, its concept, its story came in the right time..it assured me..and gave me back my faith..my faith in love.
Despite of everything that happened to me, despite of all the confusions, and sad, lonely nights of the past couple of months, just when I started to think, that maybe all the people around me telling me that love is not how I imagine it, are right, I watched this movie, and started to believe again.
Many people say I am too romantic, love is not a fairy tale, I need to be able to rationalize it a bit more. Distance, cultural differences, maybe even family background, financial, educational gaps eventually all lead to breakup. I remember, when I was in a long distance relationship, right in the beginning people said, it will not last long, because of the distance...because the one you love needs to be near you. On one hand, I accept it, that since you long for the other one, he/she needs to be close to you, so you'd have a better chance of expressing your love, and living through precious moments together. But on the other hand, I do not accept that idea, because even my relationship did not end due to the distance..that was just sort of an "excuse", it ended, because somebody in that relationship lost faith and trust...then a thought of letting it go, and change it appeared in his mind, which was followed by a feeling, a choice dropped to him from above, and finally the whole process was completed by a decision.
Despite of such an experience, despite of many similar experiences heard from other people, I am still not willing to give up my faith planted in love. I believe that love, that force, that energy that keeps the whole Universe in its place is not to be rationalized, as it has not much to do with the brain, it's source is the heart. I believe that there is a love, that no matter what happens stays in your heart forever, it is a feeling that cannot and should not be explained...it is a bond that lasts through wars, and earthquakes, through jealousy, through mistakes. In the movie..the couple in love decides to get rid of their memories, to enable them to move on..they have the power, and choice to fool their mind, to substitute the multitude of things they lived through together, by a blank sheet. But they need to realize, that they cannot fool their heart..because to those memories, feelings are attached, which if erased they leave a vacuum, that makes them sad, and brings with it a feeling of emptiness. So though their memories are swept away, their love for each other does not die, and they meet again, and again again. And they do the same mistakes again, but noone states that a relationship needs to be perfect, without mistakes...there is no such thing...but the important thing is, that even with these mistakes, conflicts and discussions, they want to be together. They cannot explain, it does not sound logical...why stay together if there are problems, is it not easier just to move on, and try another path? So they do, but they always feel deep inside, that something is missing, they do not know what it is, but because this magical power (love) draws them towards each other, they wind up being together again. The choice is given to everyone..everyone can move on, but I do believe, that life...God..the universe always gives signs..maybe in a month, maybe in a year, maybe in 10 years' time, that make it obvious where THE love lies. I believe that love cannot be avoided...we can do many things to obscure our eyes, not to see it, we can run several circles to prove ourselves that we are right in our decisions at crossroads, but love cannot be killed..it can be shoveled under the carpet, it can be put in a box in a far away corner of the mind, but we cannot make it disappear, and I am thankful for that. I am thankful that love is more powerful than us, I'm happy that I am reassured, that it outweighs time, distance, and all human attempt to change it.
Once I had a conversations with a person, who asked me: "what if this is the true love, and I'm just throwing it away? How can I be sure?" so this made me think as well...how can we know..there are so many paths, so many choices, so many forms and colours of love. But by now I know...at least, I am somewhat closer to the answer...true love always manifests itself, maybe after a long time, maybe a lot of stoney roads have to be followed, maybe a lot of curves need to be walked, maybe a lot of mountain climbs have to be tackled, but there always comes a time when we need to stop, and just listen to the heart, as she always knows the truth. Those whispers, and feelings coming from the heart cannot be stopped, or changed, like the thoughts, that are born in the mind. Those dreams and feelings connected to certain memories cannot be changed. Maybe I sound like an all time romantic..maybe I truly am...but on the other hand, my faith in love that conquers everything, that flows like a river, eventually washing away all hurdles that stand along its way also lifts the responsibility off my shoulders...that I do not need to think about love, if it is THE love or not, as with my mind, I'll never figure it out, even if I have 70 years to think...I just need to let it present itself to me, all I need to do is listen to my heart..which can be challenging in this world, with all its rush, expectations, and advices. But there is the time before I go to bed, I lay down, and in the stillness of my room, or on the field underneath the starry sky, or on the bridge, in the shimmering light of the glowing full moon, I know the answer.
A song..summing up my belief in love:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crTc1V34m8g
Sunday, 29 May 2011
Saturday, 28 May 2011
It's going to rain..
After a long time, this is the first weekend I spend here in Budapest..lately all my Fridays had the same "routine"..working, rushing from work, either home to pack and get to bed early, to be able to wake up at dawn the next day and travel...or just rushing to the train station to go home. But yesterday was different...I stayed in the office till long...though I had all the chance, I did not want to go home. At the beginning of the week I was looking forward to spend some time on my own, to give me the chance of putting certain things to their fitting place within me..but now, here I am, the clouds have covered the sky completely, it became dark, though it is almost noon, and I feel lost...I feel so, because despite of all the precious books, with so much wisdom, despite the valuable advices of my friends, I'm still not able to help myself. There is still a broken bridge between what my brain says, and what my heart whispers. There is a huge storm within me...with lots of rain and hail, and my soul's boat is almost lost on the dangerous waves, the strong, and wicked wind creates...To be honest I've never experienced such an enduring storm before, and I feel like I'm so desperate to spot a bird, that will assure me that the beach...some land..is close now, where I can just finally touch the ground...the stability..get rid of the shakiness of the angry sea, that I'm constantly gazing at the horizon...and I'm just sailing, and holding on...I'm tightening my grip on the ropes, the wind blows into my face, the raindrops obscure my vision, and my hope is fading away day by day....sometimes the storm weakens a bit, and I rejoice, though there is no land spotted yet, at least I can have an easy "ride" on the smooth waters, but just when I start to have faith, a lightning occurs out of nowhere, thunder arrives, and I need all my strength again to survive...to keep on going and not give it up...to keep on dreaming about an harbour, where my ship will rest, my knees will touch the sand, and my arms embrace the missing part of my soul..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_YJhmGKTxk
Great song I love to listen to while sitting by the window and watching the rain....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_YJhmGKTxk
Great song I love to listen to while sitting by the window and watching the rain....
Thursday, 19 May 2011
The smell of summer...
Today was a rather hot day for May..unfortunately I did not manage to experience much of it, as I spent most of the time in the office, but the little breaks spent on the courtyard gave me a good estimate of how hot it got in the past days. Though I felt the heat, in my mind the month of May was still "programmed" as a spring month, therefore I could not really identify it with the summer...but then..after work, and after my Russian class, which was rather enjoyable today (I realized, that I can truly use Czech to help me bridge the gaps I find in Russian, and I can use Russian to help me understand Czech more) I set off and headed home. As usual, I do not like to take the public transportation home, I prefer to walk, to have a bit of exercise, to explore the face of my city in every season, in different weather, and I'm never disappointed, it always has something new to show, I just need to be alert, and keep my eyes open.
So I was walking home, and got to the bridge that connects the 2 parts of the city. I stepped on the bridge, and as always, spent quite a few minutes standing on the bridge, enjoying the spectacular view...and then..it happened...I took a deep breath, and a familiar smell entered my nose..a smell that is hard to describe by words...I knew this smell already, all I needed to do is to search for it in my head, amongst the memories. It was a smell from a distant past, a smell that returns to my life every now and then. Slowly it dawned on me...that it is the same smell I used to inhale as a child, while looking at the river near our home. I call it the fragrance of the summer night that follows a hot day...but it does not reflect too well what that fragrance means to me...It is the fragrance I first met with as a little child, when my dad took me to the river, and we spent the whole day fishing, sitting on bales of hay, playing with the dogs, swimming in the river, roasting the fish we caught...it is the fragrant in which there is combined the smell of the freshly growing grass, the smoke coming from the campfire, the breath of the river that exhales with a big sigh upon reaching the plain, after having worked its way from the mountains, hurling stones, transforming things along its journey...this fragrance holds within the air that flows out of the pores of the thousand blooming flowers, the perfume of the full moon, the curious look of the thousand stars that populate the sky, the sweet music of the crickets, the merry concerts of the frog society....I remember this fragrance from my adolescence, when I would go home after school, would head to the field, and stand by the river...telling her about my dreams, about my search for love, my wish to find someone whom I could invite to come and explore the vast lands, mountains, valleys, forests and waterfalls of my inner world...I would stand there and give her my heart..I'd look at her waves, her calmness and would slowly melt in her...and today...while standing on the bridge and marveling at the sunset, that painted sweet shades of pink, purple, yellow and orange on the horizon, I could inhale again the special fragrant...and all my memories came rushing at me, they filled my heart completely and I wanted to shout..or hug somebody, because a piece of me was found again...just when I thought I lost myself thoroughly...just when I was not sure any more what I'm doing, or if there is a meaning, the fragrance from an era, when I thought everything to be possible, found me...it tossed me back in time...it showed me the dreamy girl I used to be..the one who believed in miracles, respected and loved nature, conversed with the moon, and was strong enough to put up a fight against all the attacks of the world.....I stood there and let the breeze clean my soul...sweep me through completely, filling me with new hopes, and dreams...
This evening I learned again...that love perseveres...that it is always there..ready...waiting for us to find her..she does not disappear, though there are times when we might think so. Love perseveres, but it is us...humans who change...and then just like me...I started to loose faith, I blamed love for playing a nasty trick on me...for making me believe, that there are eternal bonds, for letting me trust to the fullest, and give myself completely to love..without even warning me...letting me know about the risks...I lost faith...I died...the winter covered me completely with its frost, snow, and dark evenings...clouds and stillness...I became numb from the cold..I lived a vegetative life...but finally I understood, that I was wrong in blaming it on love...It is us...the people who time to time let love in..we nurture it like a precious plant..we take care of it, because we'd like it to become a strong tree that will stand against the storms of time, and at the end bearing fruit..but it is also us people who time to time close the door on love, chase it away, or just neglect the plant, and place our attention on other things which we qualify as "more important"....we make mistakes, and maybe the biggest of all is that time to time we take love for granted...and do not make effort to preserve it...we think it is "normal" that 2 people love each other..and after the first months of passion we let it become thin air ...that slowly diminishes...I've also made that mistake..and I had to pay a high price to learn the lesson...probably the highest price I've ever paid...I've lost my soul...and for months my life was dominated by lost hope, emptyness, and self pity...days that seemed never to end...dreams that did not let me sleep during the night..memories, pictures that rushed through my veins as poison, slowly eating me up from inside....a feeling of having been tricked...a feeling of not understanding anything anymore...the world turned upside down, and I started to question everything, because my castle was shaken at its foundation...a love I thought to be contracted in heaven turned out to be an illusion...an image from another life...the fire burned and left nothing but ashes and smoke...but today I realized that sometimes there can be gold found in ashes...that just as the nature rebirths every spring...so it is with the heart...it needs to find the source again..the fountain of love, and start to learn to live again..step by step...slowly...taking all the time that is needed..with courage...trusting again..hoping again...dreaming again...
So I was walking home, and got to the bridge that connects the 2 parts of the city. I stepped on the bridge, and as always, spent quite a few minutes standing on the bridge, enjoying the spectacular view...and then..it happened...I took a deep breath, and a familiar smell entered my nose..a smell that is hard to describe by words...I knew this smell already, all I needed to do is to search for it in my head, amongst the memories. It was a smell from a distant past, a smell that returns to my life every now and then. Slowly it dawned on me...that it is the same smell I used to inhale as a child, while looking at the river near our home. I call it the fragrance of the summer night that follows a hot day...but it does not reflect too well what that fragrance means to me...It is the fragrance I first met with as a little child, when my dad took me to the river, and we spent the whole day fishing, sitting on bales of hay, playing with the dogs, swimming in the river, roasting the fish we caught...it is the fragrant in which there is combined the smell of the freshly growing grass, the smoke coming from the campfire, the breath of the river that exhales with a big sigh upon reaching the plain, after having worked its way from the mountains, hurling stones, transforming things along its journey...this fragrance holds within the air that flows out of the pores of the thousand blooming flowers, the perfume of the full moon, the curious look of the thousand stars that populate the sky, the sweet music of the crickets, the merry concerts of the frog society....I remember this fragrance from my adolescence, when I would go home after school, would head to the field, and stand by the river...telling her about my dreams, about my search for love, my wish to find someone whom I could invite to come and explore the vast lands, mountains, valleys, forests and waterfalls of my inner world...I would stand there and give her my heart..I'd look at her waves, her calmness and would slowly melt in her...and today...while standing on the bridge and marveling at the sunset, that painted sweet shades of pink, purple, yellow and orange on the horizon, I could inhale again the special fragrant...and all my memories came rushing at me, they filled my heart completely and I wanted to shout..or hug somebody, because a piece of me was found again...just when I thought I lost myself thoroughly...just when I was not sure any more what I'm doing, or if there is a meaning, the fragrance from an era, when I thought everything to be possible, found me...it tossed me back in time...it showed me the dreamy girl I used to be..the one who believed in miracles, respected and loved nature, conversed with the moon, and was strong enough to put up a fight against all the attacks of the world.....I stood there and let the breeze clean my soul...sweep me through completely, filling me with new hopes, and dreams...
This evening I learned again...that love perseveres...that it is always there..ready...waiting for us to find her..she does not disappear, though there are times when we might think so. Love perseveres, but it is us...humans who change...and then just like me...I started to loose faith, I blamed love for playing a nasty trick on me...for making me believe, that there are eternal bonds, for letting me trust to the fullest, and give myself completely to love..without even warning me...letting me know about the risks...I lost faith...I died...the winter covered me completely with its frost, snow, and dark evenings...clouds and stillness...I became numb from the cold..I lived a vegetative life...but finally I understood, that I was wrong in blaming it on love...It is us...the people who time to time let love in..we nurture it like a precious plant..we take care of it, because we'd like it to become a strong tree that will stand against the storms of time, and at the end bearing fruit..but it is also us people who time to time close the door on love, chase it away, or just neglect the plant, and place our attention on other things which we qualify as "more important"....we make mistakes, and maybe the biggest of all is that time to time we take love for granted...and do not make effort to preserve it...we think it is "normal" that 2 people love each other..and after the first months of passion we let it become thin air ...that slowly diminishes...I've also made that mistake..and I had to pay a high price to learn the lesson...probably the highest price I've ever paid...I've lost my soul...and for months my life was dominated by lost hope, emptyness, and self pity...days that seemed never to end...dreams that did not let me sleep during the night..memories, pictures that rushed through my veins as poison, slowly eating me up from inside....a feeling of having been tricked...a feeling of not understanding anything anymore...the world turned upside down, and I started to question everything, because my castle was shaken at its foundation...a love I thought to be contracted in heaven turned out to be an illusion...an image from another life...the fire burned and left nothing but ashes and smoke...but today I realized that sometimes there can be gold found in ashes...that just as the nature rebirths every spring...so it is with the heart...it needs to find the source again..the fountain of love, and start to learn to live again..step by step...slowly...taking all the time that is needed..with courage...trusting again..hoping again...dreaming again...
Sunday, 8 May 2011
The heart set free...
Something has changed...something inside me was released...a new kind of energy...an energy, that I have felt before, but for just fractions of moments...in certain places, in certain times....now this energy feels to be flowing all over me...it could be invisible to others, but makes all the difference for me..
I've been at fight with my heart...my "rational me" tried to judge her, condemn her, for being weak, for making me weep, for keeping all the memories she should not, for not accepting the reality..the reality of the brain that surrounds me...the distance, fate, different ways...but yesterday..the moon was growing, the sky was crystal clear, the stars were multiplied and populated fully the velvety blanket of the spring night...the time was perfect, so I sat down to..after a long time, talk to my heart.
My heart was shy in the beginning...did not want to start another battle, so started slowly, but as she saw, that the gate is open, that I'm ready for all the water that rushes through the small cracks of the dam, holding back the big body of the river, I'm ready for that dam to be destroyed, she became braver, and told me everything.
She told me about faith, hope, about risks we need to take, about patience, about the energy of love, about the train of life, on which we all travel, about memories, and how we can transfer them to be guidelines, or food for the spirit. She taught me about acceptance, but most importantly, she took me to the fountain of love. She let me contemplate the fresh water flowing through, the water that gives life to all creatures. She let me hear the sweet music of the little drops of water jumping down after each other, she let me inhale the fresh fragrant, that fills the lungs. She showed me how many small creeks the fountain feeds, until, after a lonely journey they meet other creeks, join, become rivers, and all make their ways towards the ocean, where they all unite, and melt into the universe. She made me understand that we all have a path to follow, and that we are not powerful enough to change the landscape of the path, but that it is not even necessary as the valleys, the mountains, the curves, the muddy roads are all part of the path, but our job is to walk the path, not to judge, weather that certain valley, or mountain fits the path. She showed me how the crossroads are sacred places, where we have our options, she taught me that it is not possible to wait at crossroads for too long, after a decision has been made, we must walk the path we've chosen, so that it could reveal its secrets for us, and it could take us to places where it is entitled to, fulfilling its destiny. She told me that even when we feel lonely, we are not alone, as on other paths, on the other side of the mountain, there is always another soul walking its path, and it is a question of time, when we bump into another soul, and share a fragment of the path with him/her. Moreover God is always with us, rejoicing in our mission, proud, that we take the path, try to follow the signs, and in the midst of the harsh wind and several days of thunder and rain do not stop, but continue the road, and grow. She showed me that every moment is a treasure, that in the moment past, present and future is together.
My heart gifted me with the warm feeling what one feels when after being on the road for a long long time, without any companion, in torn shoes and clothes, just some crumbs in our bag, in the middle of the night, on the field, what it feels like to spot a familiar little house, with light in its windows. Greatest joy rests in the simplest thing, as for me I cannot imagine anything more joyful as to spot such a little house after such an exhausting journey. The vision of a little house with light in its windows...the vision of a home, where no matter how long I've been away, no matter, if I've been giving news of myself or not, no matter if I left with a word of goodbye or not, but there is the assurance that someone in that little house with the candlelight on waits for me, welcomes me, prepares a supper, a glass of good wine, and a soft bed for me. That feeling can be compared to a hug, that comes from the heart....and since that picture has been revealed to me by my heart I feel happy. I feel happy because I hope to serve as such a home for many people I love, and I feel happy because I trust, that no matter what, one can always find such a shelter, if one has the faith, and love filling her/his heart.
After that evening talk with my heart, today I've enjoyed the afternoon sun on our terrace...I've traveled a long way back to the city, but I've spent most of the way looking outside, becoming one with the green fields we passed by...I just watched, and slowly I was able to feel what the young barley, or wheat feels when it dances with the playful spring breeze, in the sunset...I was able to feel what the little bird feels when she is singing a beautiful melody to welcome the spring, the good weather, and to praise Mother Nature...I was able to feel what the deer feels, as she was running freely across the green meadows. I opened the way to my heart, I've sent my brain to sleep a bit after such a tiring period of time, when it needed to do all the thinking to resolve the situation, but didn't fully manage. My heart took over, and set me free, therefore I wish to everyone on this Earth to listen to his heart, do not let it be buried under heavy chains put on him/her by worries, doubts, rush, prejudice, and fear.
I've been at fight with my heart...my "rational me" tried to judge her, condemn her, for being weak, for making me weep, for keeping all the memories she should not, for not accepting the reality..the reality of the brain that surrounds me...the distance, fate, different ways...but yesterday..the moon was growing, the sky was crystal clear, the stars were multiplied and populated fully the velvety blanket of the spring night...the time was perfect, so I sat down to..after a long time, talk to my heart.
My heart was shy in the beginning...did not want to start another battle, so started slowly, but as she saw, that the gate is open, that I'm ready for all the water that rushes through the small cracks of the dam, holding back the big body of the river, I'm ready for that dam to be destroyed, she became braver, and told me everything.
She told me about faith, hope, about risks we need to take, about patience, about the energy of love, about the train of life, on which we all travel, about memories, and how we can transfer them to be guidelines, or food for the spirit. She taught me about acceptance, but most importantly, she took me to the fountain of love. She let me contemplate the fresh water flowing through, the water that gives life to all creatures. She let me hear the sweet music of the little drops of water jumping down after each other, she let me inhale the fresh fragrant, that fills the lungs. She showed me how many small creeks the fountain feeds, until, after a lonely journey they meet other creeks, join, become rivers, and all make their ways towards the ocean, where they all unite, and melt into the universe. She made me understand that we all have a path to follow, and that we are not powerful enough to change the landscape of the path, but that it is not even necessary as the valleys, the mountains, the curves, the muddy roads are all part of the path, but our job is to walk the path, not to judge, weather that certain valley, or mountain fits the path. She showed me how the crossroads are sacred places, where we have our options, she taught me that it is not possible to wait at crossroads for too long, after a decision has been made, we must walk the path we've chosen, so that it could reveal its secrets for us, and it could take us to places where it is entitled to, fulfilling its destiny. She told me that even when we feel lonely, we are not alone, as on other paths, on the other side of the mountain, there is always another soul walking its path, and it is a question of time, when we bump into another soul, and share a fragment of the path with him/her. Moreover God is always with us, rejoicing in our mission, proud, that we take the path, try to follow the signs, and in the midst of the harsh wind and several days of thunder and rain do not stop, but continue the road, and grow. She showed me that every moment is a treasure, that in the moment past, present and future is together.
My heart gifted me with the warm feeling what one feels when after being on the road for a long long time, without any companion, in torn shoes and clothes, just some crumbs in our bag, in the middle of the night, on the field, what it feels like to spot a familiar little house, with light in its windows. Greatest joy rests in the simplest thing, as for me I cannot imagine anything more joyful as to spot such a little house after such an exhausting journey. The vision of a little house with light in its windows...the vision of a home, where no matter how long I've been away, no matter, if I've been giving news of myself or not, no matter if I left with a word of goodbye or not, but there is the assurance that someone in that little house with the candlelight on waits for me, welcomes me, prepares a supper, a glass of good wine, and a soft bed for me. That feeling can be compared to a hug, that comes from the heart....and since that picture has been revealed to me by my heart I feel happy. I feel happy because I hope to serve as such a home for many people I love, and I feel happy because I trust, that no matter what, one can always find such a shelter, if one has the faith, and love filling her/his heart.
After that evening talk with my heart, today I've enjoyed the afternoon sun on our terrace...I've traveled a long way back to the city, but I've spent most of the way looking outside, becoming one with the green fields we passed by...I just watched, and slowly I was able to feel what the young barley, or wheat feels when it dances with the playful spring breeze, in the sunset...I was able to feel what the little bird feels when she is singing a beautiful melody to welcome the spring, the good weather, and to praise Mother Nature...I was able to feel what the deer feels, as she was running freely across the green meadows. I opened the way to my heart, I've sent my brain to sleep a bit after such a tiring period of time, when it needed to do all the thinking to resolve the situation, but didn't fully manage. My heart took over, and set me free, therefore I wish to everyone on this Earth to listen to his heart, do not let it be buried under heavy chains put on him/her by worries, doubts, rush, prejudice, and fear.
Tuesday, 3 May 2011
Buen Camino
Life is full of surprises...before I left for the camino, I thought I will come home, and will write down thousands of remarks, will tell about how each day passed, what I've seen, what adventures I've been through etc....but now, as I am at home, I have taste for something else...
I've walked part of the camino, and I experienced the following things:
To walk the way is truly as the walk of life. When I was there, I hardly thought of the parallelism, the symbols, the signs, what each and every step meant. Now that I am back, and I relive every moment of the way, and the little pieces of the mosaic seem to fit together, creating a colourful piece of art. You start the way with many dreams, illusions, expectations, fears, anxiety and also excitement. Though you might not want, there are pictures flowing into your mind about how it will look like, how it will feel to get to certain places, what kind of people you will meet, what adventures you'll go through.
Then you start to walk. There are days, when the sun is shining, on others, there is a harsh wind blowing, on anothers it is raining heavily...you may check the weather forecast, they can give you an estimate, you can prepare your raincoat, but it is never 100 percent sure..better just be prepared, and pull out the raincoat when it truly starts to rain. If you like, you can walk fast...or you can take your time...you can take breaks, or you can push it to your limits, until your feet say "no more". You can set goals such as " I must reach this village by the afternoon, and find accomodation there" or you can take it totally easy, and say, I get as far as I get, I'll sleep wherever I'll find shelter...On some days the road is curvy, takes you up to the mountains, on others you are crossing the planes, without any significant elevation, on long and straight roads, you look ahead, and do not know where the road will take you in 15 kilometers, but you continue walking. The road is full of signs...you just need to follow them, and trust them, the signs left by "God"...if you look carefully, you will not be lost..if your attention is taken by other things, you might get off track, loosing the sight of the comforting signs. You might trust other pilgrims going ahead of you..and you just follow them, thinking they surely know the way...and they you end up being lost, because you did not take the responsibility of your own camino. There can be variants to the road, crossroads...you may decide to go left, or right...at first glimpse the road on the left might look nicer, but maybe it is not well signed, it is your choice, your decision which road you'll take. It is possible that the road chosen by you takes you to much nicer landscapes, less steep hills, and then you feel joy in your heart, because you do not regret your decision. But it can happen that you choose the way, that makes you get lost, and you need to make effort to find the right path again...you might feel lost, alone, and worried...without the comfort and security of signs, you do not know which direction to go to...so you take some extra miles, you look for something, that could lead you back to your camino, maybe you'll see the top of a church and you'll go that way, hoping, that there you can ask for advice. You might have an idea of how far you will go on the given day, but unexpected things can happen, and at the end, no matter how irritated you feel, you need to realize, that to go on was a wrong choice and you need to return, from where you started. It takes effort too, and patience...the way back is always longer, more tiring, the landscape might feel to be boring...but you need to correct your mistake...your are responsible for your camino. You'll meet people from all over the world...with some, you start the camino together, but you'll never see them again. Some you meet time to time...in a shelter, where you decide to sleep, or on the road...with some of them, you share a good wine, and change ideas...from some of them you learn, some of them you teach...some of them support you, some of them you support...some people give you advices "no don't follow the yellow arrows, just go right, then straight till you reach the bridge, and it will take you to the same road as the arrows of the camino" if you take it, you may win time, but you might miss some beautiful places, the road would have originally taken you to..but again, it is your choice....sometimes, you take a road, that not many do...they might criticize you for your choice...but it is your road, your life, you need to have enough courage to defend your decision, feel good about it, and take responsibility for it...as for others it could have been a bad choice, but for you it might be the right one...if not, you learn from it, and will be more alert next time....some road you might look at and say "ohh no, that is a horrible road" you make prejudices, but by walking on it, you discover the little flower by the road, or the precious stones under your feet, and you learn, not to make prejudices any more...one day you feel like you could walk 50 kilometers, on others you might feel like you are lazy, or your feet are hurting, and you'd just like to take it easy...some people walk while only looking at the ground, marching...some are slow, looking around, up to the sky, decide to lay on the field for a while and sing...it is again...your choice, what you feel more suitable for yourself...some people plan their way..divide it into pieces, decide how far they'll go, what and when they will reach..they feel euforic and proud when they do, what has been assigned...they have a goal, the goal is to reach a certain place every day...and upon accomplishing it, they feel relieved...it is good, to have so much strength to keep going on, no matter what..but there is a threat...one day, the final goal is accomplished as well...and then they feel broken...they want to keep on going, they need more goals, more accomplishments, they are not ready, or able to finish...they have not grown strong enough...but there are others, who bear in mind the goal, and are aware that they need to follow the path to reach it, but they give in to a bit of spontaneity, and also enjoy the road itself...the beauty, the surprises, the hardships it might bring...for them, the end of the camino is only a station, only a new beginning...they don't thrive for more, they do not feel sad about the end of the road, about the final goal being accomplished..they are happy becuase they store in their hearts all the moments of the road, all the lessons learned, all the joy, that was gifted to them throughout their journey. Also in life, we create so many goals...I need to get here, I need to have this, I need to become this, and when all accomplished, we are always looking for more, we cannot be satisfied, we need the good feeling that comes when the goal is achieved...there is something moving us from inside, urging us, that will chase away the peace and harmony of the soul...the soul that loves to gaze at the sunset for hours, enjoys conversing with the night stars, and is ready to whisper to us and give us guidance when we are lost. The soul that never looses sight of the signs of God, the soul that understands the importance of choices.
Sometimes the terrain you walk is good for your feet, and you feel like running, sometimes it is rocky, and you might slip...in those times you need to pay more attention, to avoid an injury...sometimes after the rain the mud is so deep it sticks to your shoes and doubles the weight of it. Sometimes you need to walk up and up and up, sometimes just down...at other times completely flat. Sometimes you cannot see because the sun makes you blind, and sometimes the rain is so heavy and everything around you is so grey, that you can hardly make out what is a couple meters next to you. Sometimes the landscape changes every kilometer, your mind is "photographing" the beauty around you in every second...and sometimes you need to walk the whole day among vineyards, making your trip boring after a while, but you endure, and excitedly look forward to what the road has in store for you, because it is your dream to walk your camino, to get to a little creek, with small waterfalls hidden in the depths of an ancient forest, so you take strength from the well of your dreams, and walk the less enjoyable part of the road as well.
To walk the road, requires a lot of courage...there are times, when you reach a dark forest and you are afraid, but in spite of that, the sign reassures you that that is road you need to take. So you take it, confront your fears, and fill your heart with hope. Once you get out of the dark forest, and you learn to appreciate the sunlight, and the blue sky. To walk the road, you need trust, and faith. You need to trust, that there will be a shelter where you can sleep, and give rest for your body...you need to trust that you'll meet someone who can help you out, if your feet is swollen, or you have no water left, that God will send you someone so that you'd be able to continue your way. You need to be open, in your heart, to let the nature and its beauty touch your heart, paint your face brown, fill your lungs with fresh air, and sweep out the chamber of your brain completely, blowing away all unnecessary worries, fears, and prejudices, letting the joy of life entering, and setting you free.
The camino is the same and at the same time different for everyone..the beginning and the end is the same...the road there, and all that is lived through is much diverse, never the same experience for any of the people who walked the way. The experiences gained there, the joyous and tough moments, the beauty of the nature, the friendships, the nice dinners, the sleepless nights, the impulsive and strange dreams opened new gates for me..the gates of faith, will, and courage to take all responsibilty for the camino de la vida walked by me. It helped me understand, that the road has its hills and valleys, forests and plains, but it is my responsibility to walk it, to enjoy it...it is only up to me how I take it, whether I let the little struggles, mistakes, bad choices bond me, cage me in, and enslave me, or I'll view them as experiences that helped me face my fears and worries, things that made me stronger, and prepared me for steeper hills, and extra miles....signs that taught me that sometimes, after a bad choice we need to make effort, walk all the way back, and start again, renewed inside, filled with hope and trust that the new variant of the road will lead me back to my path.
I've walked part of the camino, and I experienced the following things:
To walk the way is truly as the walk of life. When I was there, I hardly thought of the parallelism, the symbols, the signs, what each and every step meant. Now that I am back, and I relive every moment of the way, and the little pieces of the mosaic seem to fit together, creating a colourful piece of art. You start the way with many dreams, illusions, expectations, fears, anxiety and also excitement. Though you might not want, there are pictures flowing into your mind about how it will look like, how it will feel to get to certain places, what kind of people you will meet, what adventures you'll go through.
Then you start to walk. There are days, when the sun is shining, on others, there is a harsh wind blowing, on anothers it is raining heavily...you may check the weather forecast, they can give you an estimate, you can prepare your raincoat, but it is never 100 percent sure..better just be prepared, and pull out the raincoat when it truly starts to rain. If you like, you can walk fast...or you can take your time...you can take breaks, or you can push it to your limits, until your feet say "no more". You can set goals such as " I must reach this village by the afternoon, and find accomodation there" or you can take it totally easy, and say, I get as far as I get, I'll sleep wherever I'll find shelter...On some days the road is curvy, takes you up to the mountains, on others you are crossing the planes, without any significant elevation, on long and straight roads, you look ahead, and do not know where the road will take you in 15 kilometers, but you continue walking. The road is full of signs...you just need to follow them, and trust them, the signs left by "God"...if you look carefully, you will not be lost..if your attention is taken by other things, you might get off track, loosing the sight of the comforting signs. You might trust other pilgrims going ahead of you..and you just follow them, thinking they surely know the way...and they you end up being lost, because you did not take the responsibility of your own camino. There can be variants to the road, crossroads...you may decide to go left, or right...at first glimpse the road on the left might look nicer, but maybe it is not well signed, it is your choice, your decision which road you'll take. It is possible that the road chosen by you takes you to much nicer landscapes, less steep hills, and then you feel joy in your heart, because you do not regret your decision. But it can happen that you choose the way, that makes you get lost, and you need to make effort to find the right path again...you might feel lost, alone, and worried...without the comfort and security of signs, you do not know which direction to go to...so you take some extra miles, you look for something, that could lead you back to your camino, maybe you'll see the top of a church and you'll go that way, hoping, that there you can ask for advice. You might have an idea of how far you will go on the given day, but unexpected things can happen, and at the end, no matter how irritated you feel, you need to realize, that to go on was a wrong choice and you need to return, from where you started. It takes effort too, and patience...the way back is always longer, more tiring, the landscape might feel to be boring...but you need to correct your mistake...your are responsible for your camino. You'll meet people from all over the world...with some, you start the camino together, but you'll never see them again. Some you meet time to time...in a shelter, where you decide to sleep, or on the road...with some of them, you share a good wine, and change ideas...from some of them you learn, some of them you teach...some of them support you, some of them you support...some people give you advices "no don't follow the yellow arrows, just go right, then straight till you reach the bridge, and it will take you to the same road as the arrows of the camino" if you take it, you may win time, but you might miss some beautiful places, the road would have originally taken you to..but again, it is your choice....sometimes, you take a road, that not many do...they might criticize you for your choice...but it is your road, your life, you need to have enough courage to defend your decision, feel good about it, and take responsibility for it...as for others it could have been a bad choice, but for you it might be the right one...if not, you learn from it, and will be more alert next time....some road you might look at and say "ohh no, that is a horrible road" you make prejudices, but by walking on it, you discover the little flower by the road, or the precious stones under your feet, and you learn, not to make prejudices any more...one day you feel like you could walk 50 kilometers, on others you might feel like you are lazy, or your feet are hurting, and you'd just like to take it easy...some people walk while only looking at the ground, marching...some are slow, looking around, up to the sky, decide to lay on the field for a while and sing...it is again...your choice, what you feel more suitable for yourself...some people plan their way..divide it into pieces, decide how far they'll go, what and when they will reach..they feel euforic and proud when they do, what has been assigned...they have a goal, the goal is to reach a certain place every day...and upon accomplishing it, they feel relieved...it is good, to have so much strength to keep going on, no matter what..but there is a threat...one day, the final goal is accomplished as well...and then they feel broken...they want to keep on going, they need more goals, more accomplishments, they are not ready, or able to finish...they have not grown strong enough...but there are others, who bear in mind the goal, and are aware that they need to follow the path to reach it, but they give in to a bit of spontaneity, and also enjoy the road itself...the beauty, the surprises, the hardships it might bring...for them, the end of the camino is only a station, only a new beginning...they don't thrive for more, they do not feel sad about the end of the road, about the final goal being accomplished..they are happy becuase they store in their hearts all the moments of the road, all the lessons learned, all the joy, that was gifted to them throughout their journey. Also in life, we create so many goals...I need to get here, I need to have this, I need to become this, and when all accomplished, we are always looking for more, we cannot be satisfied, we need the good feeling that comes when the goal is achieved...there is something moving us from inside, urging us, that will chase away the peace and harmony of the soul...the soul that loves to gaze at the sunset for hours, enjoys conversing with the night stars, and is ready to whisper to us and give us guidance when we are lost. The soul that never looses sight of the signs of God, the soul that understands the importance of choices.
Sometimes the terrain you walk is good for your feet, and you feel like running, sometimes it is rocky, and you might slip...in those times you need to pay more attention, to avoid an injury...sometimes after the rain the mud is so deep it sticks to your shoes and doubles the weight of it. Sometimes you need to walk up and up and up, sometimes just down...at other times completely flat. Sometimes you cannot see because the sun makes you blind, and sometimes the rain is so heavy and everything around you is so grey, that you can hardly make out what is a couple meters next to you. Sometimes the landscape changes every kilometer, your mind is "photographing" the beauty around you in every second...and sometimes you need to walk the whole day among vineyards, making your trip boring after a while, but you endure, and excitedly look forward to what the road has in store for you, because it is your dream to walk your camino, to get to a little creek, with small waterfalls hidden in the depths of an ancient forest, so you take strength from the well of your dreams, and walk the less enjoyable part of the road as well.
To walk the road, requires a lot of courage...there are times, when you reach a dark forest and you are afraid, but in spite of that, the sign reassures you that that is road you need to take. So you take it, confront your fears, and fill your heart with hope. Once you get out of the dark forest, and you learn to appreciate the sunlight, and the blue sky. To walk the road, you need trust, and faith. You need to trust, that there will be a shelter where you can sleep, and give rest for your body...you need to trust that you'll meet someone who can help you out, if your feet is swollen, or you have no water left, that God will send you someone so that you'd be able to continue your way. You need to be open, in your heart, to let the nature and its beauty touch your heart, paint your face brown, fill your lungs with fresh air, and sweep out the chamber of your brain completely, blowing away all unnecessary worries, fears, and prejudices, letting the joy of life entering, and setting you free.
The camino is the same and at the same time different for everyone..the beginning and the end is the same...the road there, and all that is lived through is much diverse, never the same experience for any of the people who walked the way. The experiences gained there, the joyous and tough moments, the beauty of the nature, the friendships, the nice dinners, the sleepless nights, the impulsive and strange dreams opened new gates for me..the gates of faith, will, and courage to take all responsibilty for the camino de la vida walked by me. It helped me understand, that the road has its hills and valleys, forests and plains, but it is my responsibility to walk it, to enjoy it...it is only up to me how I take it, whether I let the little struggles, mistakes, bad choices bond me, cage me in, and enslave me, or I'll view them as experiences that helped me face my fears and worries, things that made me stronger, and prepared me for steeper hills, and extra miles....signs that taught me that sometimes, after a bad choice we need to make effort, walk all the way back, and start again, renewed inside, filled with hope and trust that the new variant of the road will lead me back to my path.
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