Something has changed...something inside me was released...a new kind of energy...an energy, that I have felt before, but for just fractions of moments...in certain places, in certain times....now this energy feels to be flowing all over me...it could be invisible to others, but makes all the difference for me..
I've been at fight with my heart...my "rational me" tried to judge her, condemn her, for being weak, for making me weep, for keeping all the memories she should not, for not accepting the reality..the reality of the brain that surrounds me...the distance, fate, different ways...but yesterday..the moon was growing, the sky was crystal clear, the stars were multiplied and populated fully the velvety blanket of the spring night...the time was perfect, so I sat down to..after a long time, talk to my heart.
My heart was shy in the beginning...did not want to start another battle, so started slowly, but as she saw, that the gate is open, that I'm ready for all the water that rushes through the small cracks of the dam, holding back the big body of the river, I'm ready for that dam to be destroyed, she became braver, and told me everything.
She told me about faith, hope, about risks we need to take, about patience, about the energy of love, about the train of life, on which we all travel, about memories, and how we can transfer them to be guidelines, or food for the spirit. She taught me about acceptance, but most importantly, she took me to the fountain of love. She let me contemplate the fresh water flowing through, the water that gives life to all creatures. She let me hear the sweet music of the little drops of water jumping down after each other, she let me inhale the fresh fragrant, that fills the lungs. She showed me how many small creeks the fountain feeds, until, after a lonely journey they meet other creeks, join, become rivers, and all make their ways towards the ocean, where they all unite, and melt into the universe. She made me understand that we all have a path to follow, and that we are not powerful enough to change the landscape of the path, but that it is not even necessary as the valleys, the mountains, the curves, the muddy roads are all part of the path, but our job is to walk the path, not to judge, weather that certain valley, or mountain fits the path. She showed me how the crossroads are sacred places, where we have our options, she taught me that it is not possible to wait at crossroads for too long, after a decision has been made, we must walk the path we've chosen, so that it could reveal its secrets for us, and it could take us to places where it is entitled to, fulfilling its destiny. She told me that even when we feel lonely, we are not alone, as on other paths, on the other side of the mountain, there is always another soul walking its path, and it is a question of time, when we bump into another soul, and share a fragment of the path with him/her. Moreover God is always with us, rejoicing in our mission, proud, that we take the path, try to follow the signs, and in the midst of the harsh wind and several days of thunder and rain do not stop, but continue the road, and grow. She showed me that every moment is a treasure, that in the moment past, present and future is together.
My heart gifted me with the warm feeling what one feels when after being on the road for a long long time, without any companion, in torn shoes and clothes, just some crumbs in our bag, in the middle of the night, on the field, what it feels like to spot a familiar little house, with light in its windows. Greatest joy rests in the simplest thing, as for me I cannot imagine anything more joyful as to spot such a little house after such an exhausting journey. The vision of a little house with light in its windows...the vision of a home, where no matter how long I've been away, no matter, if I've been giving news of myself or not, no matter if I left with a word of goodbye or not, but there is the assurance that someone in that little house with the candlelight on waits for me, welcomes me, prepares a supper, a glass of good wine, and a soft bed for me. That feeling can be compared to a hug, that comes from the heart....and since that picture has been revealed to me by my heart I feel happy. I feel happy because I hope to serve as such a home for many people I love, and I feel happy because I trust, that no matter what, one can always find such a shelter, if one has the faith, and love filling her/his heart.
After that evening talk with my heart, today I've enjoyed the afternoon sun on our terrace...I've traveled a long way back to the city, but I've spent most of the way looking outside, becoming one with the green fields we passed by...I just watched, and slowly I was able to feel what the young barley, or wheat feels when it dances with the playful spring breeze, in the sunset...I was able to feel what the little bird feels when she is singing a beautiful melody to welcome the spring, the good weather, and to praise Mother Nature...I was able to feel what the deer feels, as she was running freely across the green meadows. I opened the way to my heart, I've sent my brain to sleep a bit after such a tiring period of time, when it needed to do all the thinking to resolve the situation, but didn't fully manage. My heart took over, and set me free, therefore I wish to everyone on this Earth to listen to his heart, do not let it be buried under heavy chains put on him/her by worries, doubts, rush, prejudice, and fear.
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