Yesterday evening, after a wonderful talk about life and such cardinal questions with my friend J. instead of going to bed right away, obiding to some uknown inner voice, I searched through my dvds and found one that I decided to watch. The movie is called: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. This movie, its concept, its story came in the right time..it assured me..and gave me back my faith..my faith in love.
Despite of everything that happened to me, despite of all the confusions, and sad, lonely nights of the past couple of months, just when I started to think, that maybe all the people around me telling me that love is not how I imagine it, are right, I watched this movie, and started to believe again.
Many people say I am too romantic, love is not a fairy tale, I need to be able to rationalize it a bit more. Distance, cultural differences, maybe even family background, financial, educational gaps eventually all lead to breakup. I remember, when I was in a long distance relationship, right in the beginning people said, it will not last long, because of the distance...because the one you love needs to be near you. On one hand, I accept it, that since you long for the other one, he/she needs to be close to you, so you'd have a better chance of expressing your love, and living through precious moments together. But on the other hand, I do not accept that idea, because even my relationship did not end due to the distance..that was just sort of an "excuse", it ended, because somebody in that relationship lost faith and trust...then a thought of letting it go, and change it appeared in his mind, which was followed by a feeling, a choice dropped to him from above, and finally the whole process was completed by a decision.
Despite of such an experience, despite of many similar experiences heard from other people, I am still not willing to give up my faith planted in love. I believe that love, that force, that energy that keeps the whole Universe in its place is not to be rationalized, as it has not much to do with the brain, it's source is the heart. I believe that there is a love, that no matter what happens stays in your heart forever, it is a feeling that cannot and should not be explained...it is a bond that lasts through wars, and earthquakes, through jealousy, through mistakes. In the movie..the couple in love decides to get rid of their memories, to enable them to move on..they have the power, and choice to fool their mind, to substitute the multitude of things they lived through together, by a blank sheet. But they need to realize, that they cannot fool their heart..because to those memories, feelings are attached, which if erased they leave a vacuum, that makes them sad, and brings with it a feeling of emptiness. So though their memories are swept away, their love for each other does not die, and they meet again, and again again. And they do the same mistakes again, but noone states that a relationship needs to be perfect, without mistakes...there is no such thing...but the important thing is, that even with these mistakes, conflicts and discussions, they want to be together. They cannot explain, it does not sound logical...why stay together if there are problems, is it not easier just to move on, and try another path? So they do, but they always feel deep inside, that something is missing, they do not know what it is, but because this magical power (love) draws them towards each other, they wind up being together again. The choice is given to everyone..everyone can move on, but I do believe, that life...God..the universe always gives signs..maybe in a month, maybe in a year, maybe in 10 years' time, that make it obvious where THE love lies. I believe that love cannot be avoided...we can do many things to obscure our eyes, not to see it, we can run several circles to prove ourselves that we are right in our decisions at crossroads, but love cannot be killed..it can be shoveled under the carpet, it can be put in a box in a far away corner of the mind, but we cannot make it disappear, and I am thankful for that. I am thankful that love is more powerful than us, I'm happy that I am reassured, that it outweighs time, distance, and all human attempt to change it.
Once I had a conversations with a person, who asked me: "what if this is the true love, and I'm just throwing it away? How can I be sure?" so this made me think as well...how can we know..there are so many paths, so many choices, so many forms and colours of love. But by now I know...at least, I am somewhat closer to the answer...true love always manifests itself, maybe after a long time, maybe a lot of stoney roads have to be followed, maybe a lot of curves need to be walked, maybe a lot of mountain climbs have to be tackled, but there always comes a time when we need to stop, and just listen to the heart, as she always knows the truth. Those whispers, and feelings coming from the heart cannot be stopped, or changed, like the thoughts, that are born in the mind. Those dreams and feelings connected to certain memories cannot be changed. Maybe I sound like an all time romantic..maybe I truly am...but on the other hand, my faith in love that conquers everything, that flows like a river, eventually washing away all hurdles that stand along its way also lifts the responsibility off my shoulders...that I do not need to think about love, if it is THE love or not, as with my mind, I'll never figure it out, even if I have 70 years to think...I just need to let it present itself to me, all I need to do is listen to my heart..which can be challenging in this world, with all its rush, expectations, and advices. But there is the time before I go to bed, I lay down, and in the stillness of my room, or on the field underneath the starry sky, or on the bridge, in the shimmering light of the glowing full moon, I know the answer.
A song..summing up my belief in love:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crTc1V34m8g
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