Revitalized

After a night spent with turning back and forth in my bed, checking the clock every hour, I expected to have a rough start of the week...but I was nicely surprised. 

I also expected, upon leaving my flat, that there is going to be a queue at the ticket office, where I wished to buy my monthly pass, but again, I was surprised, because there noone, so I managed to get what I wanted rather quickly...Hmmm...seems like fate is in a humourous mood, as it is showing me little by little, that I might have expectations, but everything I expect can turn out completely the other way around, how I expected :) I am happy for that, because this reminds me that I am not in charge, yet I shall be prepared for anything to happen, any time :)

After the bus ride to the metro station, I was happy to see, that the old lady, with thick glasses, whom I recently added to my "favourite beggars" group is there today, not saying a word, just looking somewhere..far...into a world, where we - rushy, working people - might never get a chance to take a glimpse to...I already prepared the money for her, and managed to put it in her palms.  This lady, for me, has something in her..in her air, the way she stands there...I feel like I must help her...though she is not whining, or crying, or doing anything...but..it just became my habit to supply her...and afterwords, there appears a smile on my face..

In the office, I was welcomed by an email from a friend, Norita, in which she let me know, that our tracking trip to Austria is in fact taken care of! We'll have a proper transportation there, and I am so much looking forward to get to know those Myra Falls!  I have only seen pictures, and they took my breath away, so in heart and spirit I am all prepared to inhale the freshness of the forest, absorb the calmness, the peace of the hills, dance to the crystal clear music of the falls.  Yesterday, I spent the second half of my day with a friend, K.  I..to be honest I have been neglecting him lately, as I needed time for myself, to get things right.  Then we met, went to church together, had supper, a nice walk by the river, and an evening coffee, in the lovely cafe near my flat.  He told me that whenever he needs to be filled up by energy, whenever he feels that something is not quite right, he just goes to run, and there in the forest, there is nothing else, but the road, the trees, and him, and it gives him such a pleasure that he feels fascinated.  When he told me about that, I also recalled, what it is like to be "lost" in nature, to escape there, and wanting to stay there forever...surrounded by the velvety green moss, the cracking noises of forest animal hiding behind the bushes...it is a feeling of completion, a feeling of knowing where I belong...Therefore I am much looking forward to go, and give myself thoroughly to the healing, caressing, loving hands of the mighty nature...for the first time, this Saturday, then in less then 2 weeks time, when I set off, and explore the mysteries of the camino...the road that goes under the Milky Way, the road, that has been walked by so many others...the road, where so many have freed themselves of their burdens, and at the end, strenghtened, gained something special, that took them closer to understanding the Universe.

After work, and Russian I grew very tired, but had the urge to walk home...as I always do lately...I guess it can be a nice preparation, for the big road ahead of me.  I was listening to music, and went down to the river.  The bridges, the castle, and the churches were lit, and everything seemed to be so beautiful...as if I have never seen before...though I walk this road every day, it is not at all routinous, I find some additional piece of miracle, a shade or a mixture of colour that makes the given evening peculiar.  I stood there for a little while, and gave thanks..for everything...for the problems, and hurdles even...that came my way lately, because nowadays I start to see, that one can only get stronger, more sure of herself, if her spirits are trained in fire...if one is tossed to the depths, but is able to stand up...taking time, not hurrying, giving the essential amount of minutes, days, weeks to grieving, or sorrow, or doubt or whatever, only then can one develop...on the emotional side...I could have just shoveled all the bad things of the past months under the cover...but would it have helped me on the long run? Nope, they would have stayed in me, unresolved...but this way...that I was generous with myself, and instead of neglecting questions and fears in me, I faced them...I feel like I grew much stronger...enduring, and I explored vast...new horizons in myself...that might not have happened...I would not have learned so much, if I managed to escape the deep, dry, dark valleys of the past months...The hours spent by rebelling, doubting, grieving had their task, and now I lift my head up, and keep going on...doodling, revitalized :)