My first, really free weekend...wow...I started it hard, to be honest...I had a russian exam on Friday, and passed it with flying colours :) so I was even given a gift at the end of class! My teacher calculated some things, based on my birth date, and told me that this year shall work out nicely for me, my colour will be blue :) and my precious stone will be turqoise - these things shall help me to gain even more energy. It was really so cute of her, I am so happy we met, that we can study together and that we also became friends, she has a lot of wisdom, and I love to learn from her.
After russian class we..me and a friend of mine decided to jump in somewhere, have a light drink and go home..mmm...this one drink turned out to be a bit more, we were at several places, and the night was so perfect (new moon and everything) that I think I even discussed with one of the barmen that we share a very similar fate lately...I'm sure he was also very pleased with this recognition of mine :) then besides the drinks we had a gyros at 1 am, and I walked home...got to bed by 2ish and slept deep.
The next morning, with my friend and her boyfriend we traveled to Nagykovacsi, there we parked the car and walked up to the top of a hill. The weather was just great! The sun was shining, the sky was unbelievably blue, it was slightly windy but I felt like I could fly, once we were standing up there on the top..it felt so free, to be away from the noise of the city, looking around, spotting villages and faraway towers...looking at other people coming up there with kids and dogs, enjoying the soothing touch of nature...it lifted my spirits, and filled me with energy. Then my friends had to go to a birthday party and I directed myself towards the Margit Island. There I walked some, marveled at the river and ate a...hmmm...I wonder what it is called in English..this thing made from candy..it is kinda blown up and sticky...it is vattacukor in hungarian :)
For the evening Zee came over and she even slept in my flat. We talked till 2 am, and I was so very pleased to have her here, we talked a lot, yet still didn't manage to "empty out" all topic bags :)
And then came the morning...we woke up, Zee went to take a shower, and I decided to prepare some breakfast for us. I must admit, lately I did not pay much attention to breakfast, or lunch...or well...eating in general..I was so..lazy..not caring, that I just jumped somewhere and bought some fast food. But today, I took an effort and prepared a delicious breakfast, and coffee..I...I can hardly tell how much I enjoyed putting it together..knowing that my intention is to make someone happy with this breakfast...I wanted to care for her, and make her happy and was preparing the food, the toast, the cheese, washing the tomatoes with so much joy, that I even surprised myself....Then we were sitting in the room, and slowly, calmly, while chatting had our abundant breakfast...when she left..I started to think...how could I be such a fool, that I forgot how marvelous it is to prepare food for someone you love or care for? Then...I was thinking...so how come lately I did not put enough energy and time to pay attention to what I eat and how it is made? I guess it was a sign, that I was neglecting myself...I was too much busy with other thoughts, and trying to find happiness, though it was there right in front of me...it could have been so easy, it can be there in a Tatranska bryndza, which is so delicious! or in a slowly sipped coffee... I decided I need to change my attitude..I cannot "poison" myself any more with hurriedly taken lunch, missed breakfast, and fast food supper...nope...I shall give my body what she deserves.
After relaxing a bit, I went to church, to the Bazilika, I enjoyed the sermon, the priest was talking about solid foundation. He narrowed it down to morals and faith, he mentioned how these times liberalism wins it all, and conservatism is looked upon as something negative, though in its good meaning conservatism tries to conserve the values and traditions, that have been nurtured throughout centuries. He sadly admitted that lately even marrieages lack the solid foundation, and that is also why they do not last...I told God there that I hope to build on solid stone...not only with regards to partnership, but in every aspects of my life...I know it will not be easy, it takes time and much!!!! patience, but the hard work always has its price...even treasurehunting is very difficult...time to time you need to jump into the cold sea...you need to be able to bear its bites, but if you endure, if you are brave enough and sure of what you want, if you know that that treasure hidden in the sand in the bottom of the sea will show you the beauty of life and this way give you joy, then it is worth the sacrifice.
After church I walked home, a very cold wind was blowing, but strangely, I did not feel it freezing...I felt like I can identify with this coldness...I could not understand why, but I started to think..and I realized that it is because last week I locked away my heart a bit...I felt...I felt it will be easier for me if I will put her in an ice cube...and lock it away...this way I will be immune to emotional stimulus...the thing is that emotions influence me a great deal, in one minute they can fly me to the stars, in another they can push me to the ditch...I thought....I will control them (again...why do I must control everything?) by getting rid of them...so I took my heart, my wounded little heart and froze her down...I visualized it so...(its a bit fairy tale like) as if I was wearing a white dress in a great big ice castle, where all the furniture is made of ice, the bed has white fur on it, crystal and silver lamps are hanging from the ceiling..and there I live, surrounded by ice, silver and the moon...and I take this beating, hot little creatue, this red heart - it just does not fit into the environmet where everyting is white, and silver - and put it into an ice cube, and carry it into the northern tower, put it on the table, under the roof, which is made of glass, so that during the night the north star could shine on her...and I leave her there...I do not need her...I can be stoned, emotionfree, in a way protected against everything that can hurt me... so...that is why the cold wind was not so cold for me, because I was already frozen inside...
But I arrived home and I was hungry, so I threw my bag down and started to get ready for supper. I took so much time preparing it as if I was a noble lady from earlier times, who needs to have a great selection of food on her table. I cooked some eggs, I took the bryndza, the feta cheese, the salami out of the fridge, I made some toast, cut the tomatoes, warmed up the water for the tea and when everything was done, I put everything on the plate, sat down comfortably, lit some candles, and plunged into the world of tastes. Oh my goodness...it was magical...I was not rushing, I closed my eyes, while let the cheese dissolve in my mouth and I could feel the tiny cells of my body rejoicing...they were jumping up and down, because finally I was not eating to chase away the feeling of hunger, but I was eating for the joy of eating...I could feel how the energy accumulated in the bryndza is flowing into my body, I saw a whole spectrum of colours and I felt content. Also it was nice to play with the thought, that once, I will be making my own bryndza, and hopefully there will be my loved ones around me and I will be able to serve them happily, and if we will be sitting by the table, and they will get as much joy out of that bryndza as I did from this one, I will be very very pleased.
While eating, I was listening to the following song: Loreena McKennitt: As I Roved Out
I can only encour youage, to try it once, forget everything, concentrate only on your supper, and how incredibly delicious it looks, do not forget to prepare everything nicely, pay attention to the details, use nice silverware, napkin, and place the food so that it would be a nice composition for the eye...then play this song and start eating :) maybe you'll have a similar adventure as I had.
As a conclusion of today, a good day I must tell, I learned that I find joy in serving others, in caring for others, and that from now on I will not rush when it will come to fulfilling my stomach. I will take my time and let my body draw the necesarry energy from the food I suprise her with.
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