I thought I did it...I truly felt so...I thought I managed to get rid of this thread, made of fine silver, so shining, so pure...but in the past days I've learnt that I cannot be always in control...there are some things, connections, feelings, fates which..were destined to be a part of us...and we can fight against them, we can lay on the ground and weep, we can be angry, they still linger on...they stick to us..because they are a part of us...and as such we cannot tear them out from our insides. As I learned this, I realized, if I cannot break it...no matter how much I want to, I need to live with it, and somehow try to gain strength from it..after all, I'm attached/connected to so many things I cannot touch, or confirm to be mine, such as the moon, the falling leaves, the pearls of dew on the spring morning, and yet I find them beautiful, and they make me happy...they make me feel loved, they chase away the feeling of loneliness...so now it seems like I have another of those connections, except this one I can only see in my dreams...and memories...but even so, I calmed down, and got to the point where I am able to be thankful for it. Not all bonds are meant to be based on things which we are able to see, hear, or touch...some allies are based on invisible foundations, but it does not make them less firm. Houses are not to be built on sand, if the base is not solid enough, the water and the elements will start to demolish it sooner...but there are buildings, which though destroyed, still preserve some stones which represent their past glory.
Once there was a girl...she lived with her parents in the village, near the forest. This girl was only known to the people in the village as "the girl from the last house, at the end of the long street". They never really remembered her name, as it was a bit different from the names, that have been usual in the region. The girl was kind, and somewhat shy. She loved to spend her time with the old people, listen to their tales about their childhood, and youth. She loved the colourful piece of clothing they wrapped their heads into, their long dresses, and their wrinkles. Some of the old people had more wrinkles around their mouth, in such away as to make them seem like they are constantly smiling, while for some it looked like the contrary, as if their life had been only been full of sorrow. She was scared of the latter kind, their eyes carried anger, hatred, disillusionment, and dissatisfaction. These could only complain, if the sun was shining, for that, if it was raining for that. The ones with the smiling wrinkles never missed the opportunity of inviting her in for a freshly baked cake when it was raining, and never forgot to sing when the sun was shining. The young people, children of her age she did not really know. She always felt as if their games, and talks are not of any interest to her. In her eyes, already then the gates of the world of dreams were reflected. She loved to spend her free hours and days on the field, watching the clouds goes by, she always thought if she chooses a place where she returns as much as she can, she will be able to capture the passing of time. So it happened that one day, when she was chewing on a piece of straw, while laying on a bale of hay, a strange sound hit her ears. She got up and looked around, only to find a wounded falcon struggling to drag himself into the bushes, where he can be hidden from the visions of anyone and anything wanting to lay an eye on him. The girl got up, and slowly started to get near the falcon. She looked into his brown eyes, and saw the history of suffering. She felt immediately that she needs to save this falcon, needs to help him, because there was something in that eye that bewitched her. The falcon felt something similar as he did not show fear, when the girl picked him into her hands and headed home. Fortunately the wounds were not too deep, it took only a couple weeks to heal completely. But in that time they spent together, the girl was happier than ever. She told the falcon about her life, her friends, the butterflies, the fish, the bugs, the dogs, the chickens around the houses, and she could read tales of the vast forest, and mountains in the eyes of the falcon. She could feel that it is a friendship, that is one of a kind. She shared everything with the falcon, and so did the falcon. She even put him next to her bed, so that she could hear him fidgeting in the night..that would always bring a smile on her face, knowing that he is there. Then once the day came, when the falcon was healed completely...the girl was sure, that now they are unseparable, and was a bit surprised when her parents asked her to let the falcon go. She sat by the river for one day..talking to the falcon...telling him why she does not want to let him, go, and yet, wants to let him go. She tried to persuade the falcon, tried to show him, prove him, that this is an exceptional friendship, and both of them would only be sad if they left each other, but deep down, she knew, that it is not true love, which seizes to bound...love is when you respect what the other one wishes...even if you might know or feel that it is not the right thing...so you let your loved one go, if you need to, you help if you need to, you let him follow his own path, and only ask for blessing while he takes that road...because in true love..the "self" dissolves...the ego gives in to the force, that is greater than any...thinking this over, the girl gave a pet for the last time on the falcon's head ...told him to take good care of himself, wished him a good journey, much joy and closed her eyes...she could only feel the air disturbed by the falcon's wings as he gave himself back to the wilderness, his real home. From then on the girl went out every morning, and could not help to look up, in search of the falcon...she felt if a piece of her heart has flown away with the falcon...when she closed her eyes, she could see the meadows the falcon flew above, could smell the fresh air, and marvel at the sunset reflecting in his eyes as he stood on a cliff..there was a time, she wished as if this part of her heart was torn out, but by time, she learned to be thankful for this piece of her heart, because through those soul journeys, it brought her such joy, which she never even imagined. Has the falcon ever came back? Is it really of any importance? I leave it up to you to decide....
I thought last week that I will not be able to write any more, because...I am too weak, too confused, and the chaos inside me is too huge to overcome...but here I am writing, as if obiding a whisper of my heart, which is urging me to let my emotions flow through my words...let myself be cleansed through the sentences, let myself become visible...my true self that hides behind the monotony of the days...I guess it is truly necessary...as in the past days I felt the tension rising in me...not...finding a way out...the tension was coming from the fact that here has been a storm of emotion rushing at me, thoughts, feelings, moods, and I had to keep them all within me..I could not find the channel through wich I can let them manifest themselves...so this evening, after lighting some candles in my room, and gazing at their dancing beauty I decided to sit down and let the reckless horses free...the first intention was to tell you about my journey to Cesky Krumlov over the weekend, but somehow I ended up sharing with you the tale of the girl and the falcon...hope you don't mind...maybe tomorrow I can compensate you with a detailed picture of the world's most beautiful small city, Cesky Krumlov :)
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