Flowing like the river..

After an upsetting morning, I finished the day with the most awesome evening-night..for a long time now.. We had a goodbye party for some of our colleagues.  This party reminded me those times when in Russia, we were so carefree; left the dormitory in the morning, and would not return till the next sunrise.  We would walk, eat, talk, smoke shisha, have some drinks, end up in a bar, have some more drinks, smile, dance and feel free..just let ourselves loose, if so, get sentimental, dissolve in an ocean of love…because in these moments I always felt like my heart is completely filled with a fountain of joy, and love for the people around me…and tonight this feeling came back…as we were sitting and chatting, or standing by the bar, giving our “last” goodbye hugs to friends, everyone was a bit out of their comfort zone..a bit more confident, a bit more honest, more inclined to speak out what is in their hearts..not so desperate to hide truth behind the curtain of falsehood..a bit more open, letting the other person to get a bigger glimpse to what lies beneath the surface…such a marvelous, smokey, thick, joyous night it was…I could almost touch the vibration of the space, the little threads connecting people to people and how it became obvious to us, that we are happy to have each other, to know each other, and that this connection is not only made up of a “hi how are you” but that it goes well beyond, that on these people you can actually count, and that their friendship is worth making an effort for.   

Thinking back about it..all I remember is colours…red, orange, green, purple..and such a melancholy, that makes people want to waltz, swoosh from one corner to the other, filling the dancefloor…in a way elegant, but very intimate… I think I needed such an experience now..it taught me…showed me a lot of things that I have been neglecting lately.  It showed me that there truly is a wonderful life if you want it, that you shall not let yourself get stuck in the mudpot of your self-pity, but you shall look for things which make you feel like you are living again, which energize you, which fill your batteries up.  Lately, my batteries were just getting low day by day, also thanks to the fact that I happen to love to torture myself…and today, I said enough…why go past by the opportunities gifted to you every day by life, why let the past poison your present.  The past is gone, for good..so today it was great to experience, that the little flame that wants me to live and feel free…free from the shackles of the past, of distrust, of hopelessness..free in the heart..that little flame is not yet ready to be extinguished…it’s a strong little flame, that will slowly grow to become a bonfire!   

The party ended early in the morning, and I decided to walk home, the city was still sleepy a bit, the river calmly flowing..us crossing the bridge, feeling the fresh air, taking a look at the lovely view of wondrous Budapest, talking about freedom..and then..with a big sigh..departing into the dawn..

It was a magical night….